v-day BGLH style: showing love to those who loved our hair
so, this is BGLH’s first valentine’s day (*phew* we made it!) and i thought we could celebrate in an interesting way…
in the comments box, i want you to give a shout-out to anyone in your life: a boyfriend/girlfriend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a friend, a random stranger, ANYONE who has shown love to your natural hair.
i don’t mean a passing, ‘girl, that’s cute!’
i mean a soul affirming embrace of your texture that inspired you to keep going when you thought being natural was going to kill you. i want to collect the best responses, and compile them for a sunday retrospective entry.
i’ll start:
well, i’m blessed to have many people in my life who encourage me (including BGLH readers!!! thanks guys!!!)… but i think the most important is my father.
when i was a little girl in jamaica, i went to a jewish school — hillel academy (shout out to all my jamaicans who know about hillel!!!). basically it was the school for all the rich island kids, and because there’s a fair amount of color prejudice in jamaica, it just so happened that these rich island kids were mostly light skinned, with “good” hair.
i had a rough time at hillel, in large part because i was teased for being ‘dark.’ my parents eventually transferred me to immaculate conception prep school ( shout out to my immac girls!) but the things i experienced at hillel stayed with me.
one day i told my dad, “dad, i want to grow my hair long. because i want to show the world that black girls can have long hair too.” i must have been 12/13 at the time.
my dad paused for a moment, contemplating what i’d said, then replied: “well… if that’s what you want to do, that’s great. but you’re beautiful already. and having long hair doesn’t make you beautiful.” that really stuck with me.
when i shaved all my hair off two years ago, my dad scheduled a trip see me. i was really nervous because i didn’t know how he’d react. the first thing he did when he saw me was laugh — this deep belly laugh — and i could see this deep pride and joy in his eyes. “it looks good!,” he exclaimed.
and that’s the response he’s had throughout everything… when i rocked teeny tiny twists and braids, when i lost a lot of hair back in april, the times i’ve felt like i couldn’t continue. my dad has always believed i was beautiful. he’s never laughed at my hair, or said derogatory things about it. and i love him for that.
so this valentine’s day shout out goes to my dad… this is us in early ‘07… (and one last shout out… my dad is haitian. so shout out to all ma haitians!!!!!)
alright, let’s hear yours…
My boyfriend: thank you for loving me through all my various stages of hair throughout the years. From helping me start and maintain my locks, to helping me cut them off, you were never the one to call me “crazy” for going natural, like so many of my family members did. Thank you for playing in my naps, rubbing them with shea butter, and hanging my chopped locs in the closet alongside yours, lol. I Love You!!
To my Son:
You’ve always loved me and my hair no matter what. I ask your opinion and you give it back real like a 7 year old should. You thought my dreadlocks were cool and you like when I wear the puff. You are never one to let my hair make me, I’m Mommie in any hairstyle I rock.
I Love You!!!
i’m going to shout out to my darling heart, my man p.
who supports everything i do and thinks my hair is amazing. he tell me i’m beautiful even when i know i look a mess and he is talking ish!!.
i was relieved when i said i was going natural.
“that relaxer stuff stinks!!” and “does that mean i can touch your hair now?” were his main comments.
i thought my shaved head was hot and loves my baby fro now.
he is always pointing out people with natural hair and telling me to take there picture for my blog!!
he is amazing.
love you p!
great post girl have a happy day of love x
Oh how amazing!!! You have a kind of father who is truly rare. You are really your father’s daughter. What an I amazing inspiration.
My two loving bestfriends, (both of them are white) Have been with me since my transition. And when We came back from break after I chopped all my hair off they told me it was beautiful, and that they had never seen anybodies hair like that. They tell me all the time, especially when I think I’m having a bad hair day.
They tell me to never straighten my hair and to grow it out really long and big. They respect me for embraceing my hair. And I love them for it, they are truly beautiful.
And my MOM who has fnally gone natrual as well. She did it without me knowing! she sent my a picture in al her beautiful nappy glory and told me I helped her. So now we have even more to bond over even though we didnt even need it.
Happy Valentines day to all you beautiful women out there!
My shoutout goes to my best friend, who is white. In spite of her superstraight, thin locks she hass never not once given me anything but encouragement in my journey. From starting to take care of my hair a year ago to recently deciding to not return to relaxers, all she has given me is support and love. She ensured me that the new growth looks so much better then the processed ends, she lets me tell her all about ingredients as much as I want and continues to make me feel good about myself.
My second shoutout is to my boyfriend of five years, who cares for me, loves me as I am and wants nothing but the best for me at all times. Baby, I thank you for letting me explain about my hair, giving me time to do it and being supportive about me wearing a stockingcap on my head at night! I might’ve killed the sexy somewhat, but you don’t care! I love you!
@ claudia… LOL!!! at “i might’ve killed the sexy”
My best friend (a white male, surprise surprise lol):
Thank you for not even flinching when saw me after a year’s absence with a 4″ kinky ‘fro instead of long, relaxed hair.
Thank you for that look of genuine adoration when you studied “my actual hair” and for the continued little compliments now and then when I least expected them.
I doubt I’ll ever forget the feel of your fingers in my hair when we kissed. It was the first time a man made me feel my hair was sexy.
And thank you for being open minded and understanding different types of beauty.
I’d like to give a shout out to my sister first because if she hadn’t gone natural a year ago I would not have done it. I figured if she could rock a fro then I could too, so my transition started. Second I would like to give a shout out to my wonderful husband, who at first did not like the idea of me cuting my hair off (he loves long hair). Then after transitioning for sevveral months he actually took me to get it cut. He has been very supportive even on that same day when I went to buy a wig, but he wouldn’t let me and of course I didn’t buy it. He has truly been supportive and I even finds me alittle more sexy, that’s what he tells me. I love rockin my natural hair. Lots of love to my husband and sister.
My Boyfriend: I would like to say, thank you for loving me for who I am and what I look like. I must admit, when we first started talking, I purposely wore my hair straight because I assumed that’s what you would like, but when I showed you me in it’s original state, you proved me wrong. You informed me that I was even more beautiful just the way I am. Being in an interracial relationship, people often have stereotypes about what we represent, and I must admit, my mentality was flawed when it came to how I should wear my hair…I’m glad you made me see otherwise…that no one but us can define who we are and what we represent…thank you.
Linda (my coworker): Even though you can’t stand my hair, I’m going to show you love anyways. It’s people like you that make me smile on the inside and be thankful that I am intelligent enough to now falter to your screwed up ideology of what my hair should look like. Your hair isn’t longer than a finger snap yet you want to talk about me, and my hair is down my back…HA HA HA HA HA!!! Your suggestions, and often rude comments, aren’t worth negativity from me, for I’d rather do a hair flip in your face while being ultra fierce with it.
This is beautiful.
I would like to say thank you to my dh who loves not only my hair, be me no matter what. You have loved me through my struggle with my weight, you loved me when I chopped all of my hair off, and you are the best father our kids could ever have. I want to also send a big I love you to my 3 girls, (the Supremes), you guys are so great and you guys already love your hair in it’s natural state. All 3 of you inspire me.
I pray everyone is having a blessed V-day. Q
My friends Monica, Tab, Regina & Kenya who encouraged me to go natural. They were there when it was just an idea I was toying with and they have supported me through my journey no matter how close or far away we are.
To my fiance…who told me he once broke up with a girl because she went natural but can't keep his hands out of my napps.
Also much love to all my fotki.com friends for kind and encouraging words.
To my mother who was amazed and excited when she first noticed the curls forming in my transitioning hair and decided to transition too after 40+ years of relaxer. And to my dad who never even sees my hair, just me.
Quite arrogantly, I must show love to myself on the basis that I embraced my own hair and nobody could make me think that it wasn’t pretty.
I do wake up every day and love every strand of it (no joke!). I do think that my hair is incredibly sexy. My hair is happy with me and I am very happy with it.
My husband is a close second to me but really my hair would not exist without me, so conclusively, my hair love award goes to me!!
I'm right there with you JC. My biggest award goes to me, because frankly I haven't received much love & support for my decision to quit the crackie. I get the usual…'well, you do what you want to your hair, afterall it's yours…but I don't like it' or other bogus unsupportive comments like that. But I've stuck through all the bullsh*t and I'm still here, two years going strong.
@ Jc and anyaposh… y’all are TOO FUNNY! lol! but i hear you though… kudos to you for supporting yourselves!! it takes extra strength to do ish like that!!! you are awesome!
beautiful post
i love hearing all the stories of interracial friendships
l,you and your daddy are too cute
and yes
SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE HAITIANS!!!
SAK PASE!
SAK AP FET!
and all that!!!!
@ jenny… LOL!!! you’re so crazy! but yeh, haitian love!
I realise it is a little late for V-day.
I only just found this blog, and like a lot of the ladies on here I wanna shout out to my lovely African prince. He never criticises my hair, just encourages me all the time and makes me feel really beautiful.
A shout out too to my little princess who is fast turning into a woman before my eyes, and of whom I am soo proud. She loves her hair and she has never had it any other way.
I loved the comments from all the ladies on here. Some of them brought tears to my eyes …
I love your blog and will be following it closely.
I realise it is a little late for V-day.
I only just found this blog, and like a lot of the ladies on here I wanna shout out to my lovely African prince. He never criticises my hair, just encourages me all the time and makes me feel really beautiful.
A shout out too to my little princess who is fast turning into a woman before my eyes, and of whom I am soo proud. She loves her hair and she has never had it any other way.
I loved the comments from all the ladies on here. Some of them brought tears to my eyes …
I love your blog and will be following it closely.
i’m looking at your photo and all i see is a beautiful woman and her happy and proud father. it’s a shame that some people only focus on the unimportant things.