Huffington Post writer Lola Jaye explains why she thinks relaxing isn’t that big a deal… Weigh in!
I was notified about this Huffington Post article by a BGLH reader who wished to remain anonymous. She was bothered by the author’s conclusions, which downplayed any negative psychology behind black women’s decisions to relax and denied any significance to Michelle Obama’s choice of hairstyle.
I was able to get in contact with the article’s author, UK based novelist Lola Jaye.
She was willing to answer some tough questions. Read through the interview and post your thoughts!
BGLH: Lola, first off… It’s awesome that you had a gig writing for a leading blog like Huffington Post! How did you get hooked up with that?
LJ: Thank you. I’d heard about Chris Rock’s upcoming movie and had come across a few articles on your wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama and her hairstyles, so I decided to marry the two topics together and have some fun. Luckily, it just so happens that both topics are kind of hot at the moment.
Having my writing displayed on a website like Huffpo is such an honor, even if some of my friends hadn’t heard of it!
BGLH: Before we talk about hair, I’d like you to talk a bit about your book “By The Time You Read This”. Where did you get inspiration for that story? And how long did it take to write? 
LJ: I had been writing, unpublished for years. But one day, I was sitting at home watching Oprah and the show focused on a dying mother who had left a collection of keepsakes for her daughter. I started to ponder this terrible situation and wondered what would happen if I wrote about a man’s love for his daughter and his desire to raise her – even when he couldn’t be around to do that.
I felt really strongly about writing something from the point of view of a man; a man who thinks, feels and loves. A strong, beautiful man who loves his child with everything he has, and is not afraid to cry or to tell his daughter that he loves her. That was important to me. The story had such a pull that I wrote the first draft in six months – whilst holding down a full time job. My agent sent the manuscript to a UK publisher and the USA followed. My novel By The Time You Read This has now been published in some other languages including Korean. I still have to pinch myself!
BGLH: Do you wear your hair naturally now? And when did you make that decision to go natural? What spurred that decision?
LJ: I don’t wear my hair natural at present, so shall I leave now!? Seriously, I’ve had many styles; braids, weaves, funky ‘fro, curls. I even shaved my hair off once! Oh, how liberating that felt – until I had to go to work (I promptly lost my nerve and bought a wig, which felt awful because I kept imagining a lone stranger walking up to me and whipping it off!). Currently, I am wearing thinly plaited –in extensions, which cost loads to get done here in London. In Nigeria, I get it done for a fraction of the price (if we ignore the air fare!).
BGLH: Why did you lose your nerve?
LJ: My head was completely shaved off – bald, clean and I needed the insulation! Have you been to London in the winter? 
Some ladies – like Solange Knowles, look absolutely beautiful with very short hair – but I have a really big head and with no hair on it, this shows!
BGLH: When you were natural did you view it as a style, or was it an attempt to be more accepting of your hair in its natural state?
LJ: I think for many people, it can be a bit of both. I was totally bored with the straight look so rocking a funky afro seemed a million miles away from that style.
BGLH: You said in your Huffington Post article
“We debated the historical and psychological factors many feel are responsible for the rise in women who relax or weave their hair and it all got a bit confusing and we were unable to reach firm conclusions.”
Why did the discussion get confusing, and why were you unable to reach firm conclusions?
LJ: I think it’s such a contentious issue. A lot (not all) of my girlfriends do wear their hair relaxed and in effect they were having to justify themselves. However, the discussions ranged from the ‘need’ for straight hair dating back many years, to the manageability argument, to the accusations of buying into the notion that current perceptions of beauty do not include Afro hair or anything remotely African. It was a long discussion!
However, without dismissing any theories, we ended up concluding that women are a myriad of differences. We aren’t all the same and should not be defined as such. One woman’s reasons (psychological or not) for relaxing her hair are not the same as another woman’s reasons for relaxing her hair. Everyone (thankfully) is different.
BGLH: You also said this;
“From my girlfriends’ perspective, being able to change hair styles with the aid of hair extensions or weaves once a month has more to do with having the power to look different on a whim, than a deeper psychological reason. Oh and a lot to do with laziness as the thought of just giving the mane a quick run through with the hand before heading out for the day as opposed to a thorough comb job is quite appealing. Leaving them time to get on with other things (although one could argue that the eight hours a month spent getting it styled is just as time consuming).”
Aside from the issue of versatility (“the power to look different”) do you think there is something significant about the fact that black women often seek diversity of styles with straight hair as a template instead of their own natural texture? Also do you think there is any significance in the fact that, anecdotally, a higher percentage of black women alter their natural texture?
LJ: As I touched on in the article, conformity can come into play as it almost seems the ‘norm’ to have a relaxed ‘do or a weave. Oh wow, that would mean I am a conformist – and yet I believe myself to be far from that.
So what is the right answer to your question?
I don’t think there is one. You see, there can be a tendency for women, whatever their color, to be defined by their hair. And this is unfortunate. We’ve all heard the sexist ‘blonde jokes’. In England, even ginger (red) hair can induce pre-conceived perceptions that aren’t very flattering. And as I touched on in the article, women of color with ‘natural’ hair can be viewed as more in touch with their African self, than those with a weave!
It’s always best to never judge a book by its cover (no pun intended) but instead choose to look inside of that person whilst trying not to make any assumptions based on a person’s hairstyle.
BGLH: Do you feel that choice of hair style is ever an indication of a person’s personality or beliefs?
LJ: Having worked as a psychotherapist in the past, I am no stranger to the knowledge that history and upbringing can contribute to a persons psychological state. Just as there may be women who are more readily influenced by certain belief systems, for others, their motivation for straightening their hair or wearing weaves can be more to do with versatility and convenience. A hairstyle can at times be just that.
A lady I know wore her hair in dreadlocks for years and one day decided to cut them off. Soon after, an acquaintance of hers admitted feeling ‘let down’ by this act as she’d previously thought of her as a radical Sistah! My friend’s confident reaction sums things up nicely; ‘I am still the same person. Nothing has changed, except the style of my hair!’
BGLH: Thanks so much Lola for taking the time to answer these questions!
LJ: A pleasure!
—
What are your thoughts? For more of Lola check her website; http://lolajaye.com/
You know, I will be the first to apologize to Miss Lola Jaye! For whatever reason, I read the interviewed she gave with BGLH, read the comments, but DID NOT read her actual piece! While I felt her assessment was "slightly" biased (in that the poll about relaxed vs natural hair came solely from relaxed girls), her piece was actually quite fair and expected. In relation to Michelle Obama, hair should be the last thing we discussed. Mind you, she a highly successful women. Lola's piece was absolutely right!
Reading the comments here, while important, I think we've been very UNFAIR to Miss Lola Jaye. While I don't want to blame anyone specifically, I really wish more blogs had moderators (like forums), so ppl could stay on subject. The comments are really off topic. Let's give the woman some credit, she entered a territory that was strictly natural, therefore her answers were diplomatic! Anyway, I applaud you Miss Jaye as well as BGLH!
Anon @ 12:07, do you know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of everyone bitting off each other's head with absolutely no consideration! The "holier than thou" (both relaxed and natural) annoy me just as much as your comment "The political stuff gets tired for old heads that have been there, done that, and are secure enough in ourselves not to have to scream about all things napptural as a defining part of our identities as women."
Well, guess what hun, I'm sure some are tired/hurt by "old heads" as you describes yourself telling some how they should feel as well. Whether you've always had your confidence (relaxed or natural), gained your confidence YEARS ago as a result being natural, it's extremely unfair to jump the gun and resolve everyone's problems to GAIN YOUR OWN CONFIDENCE. It's unjust and really negates the purpose of natural hair blogs and forums alike! Come on! we're girls! Relax or not, we're gonna talk about hair/ self-image and the issues that come with it (long wait salons, not having your man mess with wit your hair, etc). Why should natural women be any different? Seriously? You talked about weight/obesity..you really think a debate wouldn't result from that?
I'm glad that you and fellow "old head" (your term not mine)were able to do this natural ish decades ago. It's not that I wish I had the courage, bc I would have, I wish I had more black women like you around to influence me back then. Natural hair was never an option for me and it was never an option for a lot of us.
I visit TONS of diverse natural hair blogs.They talk about fashion, hair style, celebs, etc. However, even the ones that don't talk about the "politics of hair", they still explain their reason for going natural. 9 times out of 10, it was bc they wanted to accept and embrace the hair that was underneath the relaxer, weave, etc. LOL, you're natural so clearly we have something in common.
My thing is you've already knocked it and tried it! Great! However, this "go cry me a river" attitude is unfair. Lol, it's hypocritical really. If you're solely looking for natural hair styles, I can recommend great natural hair magazines. Other than that, I the "it's getting old" commenters are just as much of the problem, bc "some" (not all) of your attitudes come off as heartless and lacking compassion. It's just as bad to say leave permies alone, and then attack/generalize all naturals as… Once again, I'm only addressing those who send off the same sort of vibe as Anon.
We need to support if each other and at least open the door for discussion! Trust me, when more women become "oldies" like yourself, the arguments will lessen. Blogs and natural hair in general really set off 2007/8 IMO…it's still VERY NEW! I guess it comes with the territory.
I think it is ridiculous how some people think they can take others at face value and say crap like, "oh her hair is straight, she denies her blackness!" like wtf! are you serious?? geez
Im sorry I do not see the seriousness in something as minute as HAIR. And guess what IM NATURAL TOO!
Reading through some of the comments, yall make me want to relax. Some of you come off as these sidity, nappy head, nazis! Just because your hair isn't straight, that doesnt mean you are more enlightened or more educated or more BLACK. Get a grip, will ya?
I went natural out of curiosity and maybe to try my hands at locking, but Im so over this crap. As a matter of fact, I may relax my hair this weekend. Just to see my hair SWING in the air. Then I'll go get some blue contacts on top of all that. False lashes. The works!
BUT guess what… If I do all of that, Im still who I am. My brain mass doesnt become depleted. Im still the same college graduate who loves to volunteer her time by helping battered women and children. I am NOT my HAIR.
Good day to my fellow commenting bitter-than-a-grapefruit nappy DIVA's!!!
Yours truly,
miss capricorn lova
I actually agree with Lola to a degree and I've been a proud natural for a little over a year now.
I think, for some of us, wearing our hair natural is both a statement and a way to connect with our real selves. Just as for some that relax their hair, it's a way to fit into the societal norm
But I think for a lot of people, the division lines are blurred with people who change their hair with the current trends. If natural is 'in' you better believe they'll be rocking one. If sleek and straight is in, then it's by by fro… helloo hot comb.
To a degree, naturals can be judgmental. We may be the minority and totally lovin ourselves and our hair… But not everyone cares. Sometimes, hair is just hair.
WHY MUST WOMEN GET SO EMOTIONAL AT THE MENTION OF NATURAL VS. RELAXED HAIR??!!
MISS CAPRICORN LOVA, PLS SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN! YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT REASONS LIKE YOU ARE MORE BITTER THAN CHLOROQUINE.
THIS BLOG IS NOTHING SHORT OF EDUCATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THOSE OF US THAT HAVE CHOSEN TO INTROSPECTIVELY CHECK OUR REASONS FOR CRAVING THE CREAMY CRACK, AND ALL YOUR INSECURE BEHIND DOES IS CRITICIZE AND CRITICIZE! NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO WEAR YOUR HAIR NATURAL, NEITHER IS ANYONE JUDGING YOU FOR IT. PLS, GO TO WHERE YOU AND MORE INSECURE PEOPLE CAN SYMBIOTICALLY FEED ALL OF YOUR INSECURITIES!
ANYWAY, MISS JAYE OVER HERE HAS DONE A PRETTY WACK JOB IN HER ASSESSMENT OF HAIR (NAT. VS. RELXD) AND ITS EFFECT ON THE BLACK WOMAN. I THINK IT’S PARTLY DUE TO HER ENGLISH/NIGERIAN EXPOSURE. THE NATURAL HAIR MOVEMENT IS ARGUABLY MORE RADICAL IN THE US. THIS IS BECAUSE A LOT OF AFRICANS IN THE UK HAVE CONFORMED TO EUROPEAN STANDARDS, ACCEPTING THEM AS THE NORM. COLONIAL MENTALITY? YES. THEIR [BLACK WOMEN] FAULT? NO. IT’S JUST THE WAY IT’S BEEN.
I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE AND HIGH AFFILIATION WITH THESE 3 COUNTRIES. THIS IS WHY YOU FIND MAJORITY OF NIGERIANS MORE READILY ‘AGAINST’ NATURAL HAIR. MAJORITY ANGLO-AFRICANS ARE INDIFFERENT AND AFRICAN AMERICANS MORE LIKELY TO SAY YES TO NATURAL HAIR. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT REASON AND DISCUSSION CAN’T/WON’T CHANGE PEOPLE’S MINDS…THIS IS JUST THE WAY IT IS.
I PERSONALLY DON’T THINK RELAXERS WERE EVER A WISE DECISION [MAYBE AND ONLY MAYBE YOU PLAN ON KEEPING YOUR HAIR REALLY LOW AND WANT THAT STRAIGHT EFFECT OTHERWISE, KISS YOUR HAIR WELL-BEING GOODBYE].
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, EVERY SINGLE DAY I HEAR SOMETHING NEW ABOUT WHY RELAXERS ARE ‘BENEFICIAL’ TO OUR GOD-FORSAKEN, CURSED HAIR. THE FUNNIEST ONE IS THAT A BLACK MAN INVENTED RELAXERS. SNAP!
I think Lola was not trying no knock anybody relaxed or natural. She simply gave her point of view. Can we also congratulate the sista on getting on the Huffington Post and getting published? This woman is fabulous. We can all disagree and have our opinions. Let’s jsut not forget to give credit where credit is due.
February 13, 2010 A.D.
After almost eight long months of anticipation, today was the day that i finally decided to ROCK MY FRO!!! And boy was i nervous!!! I have been relaxing my hair since I was EIGHT years old. One day my mother came home with a box and asked me if I wanted to look like the girls on the front cover. The three Black girls on the cover were cute and seemed to be happy, so I said “YEAH MA!!” why not. I popped the cassette tape into the player and sang along with the theme song,” Just for meeeeeeee,” I was too hyped, not realizing that I was about to enter into a ritualistic movement and subliminal idolatry. What i was about to get into would be an ongoing battle with nature; a road of frustration, a path to feeling incompetent, inferior and insecure; a high speed freeway to assimilation, thats where I was headed. I wasn’t on my way happy smiles and laughter, ” Just for Me, ” was not for me at all. It was an underlying and sneaky way of erasing my God given identity. It was an easy way to erase the fact that I, and every other wooly headed person for that matter, am designated and handedly Chosen by God himself, to represent HIM here on earth.
When that cream touched my virgin strands of hair, and that rotten egg smell hit my nostrils i knew something was not right. And from then on i longed for the days when my mother would have simply let me walk around with my huge lion’s mane loose. lol. I missed my big bushy puff puffs and my frizzy do’s lol but my hair would never be the same from that point on.
And now at almost 20 years old, it saddens me that i am just now getting to know the natural texture of my hair; re-learning and having to be taught how to take care and manage the hair that God blessed me with almost breaks my heart. The hair that God purposely set apart from any other nation on Earth, I mutilated and violated, beat up, bruised, and misused. I forced it to attempt tasks that it wasn’t meant to perform; all for the sake of being well fitted into society and the environment around me. Overall, I know that God’s heart was hurt the most…and to Him I wholeheartedly apologize.
“So then, why were you so nervous to ROCK YOUR FRO??,” you may ask. Well my friend, thats a sad topic within itself. Our society has lead us to believe that we as a people have one of the biggest problems on the face of the earth, besides us having the “highest health issues”, “highest criminal rates”, “highest violence occurrences”, etc etc ( which are all topics tooooo big to get into in this note alone), society has convinced us that our appearance is our down fall and that we need extreme alterations in order to be able to successfully function in this world.
So what do we do??? We ENSLAVE our own selves into a 10 BILLION DOLLAR industry that has no intention WHAT SO EVER to benefit us. In fact we give our HARD earned dollars to stores and shops that aren’t even own by us. Now ladies… my question is how the heck is an asian man suppose to let me know what type of products i should buy for my hair….or what kind of color i should buy for my kinky twist..( “B-1″ ANYBODY???) I mean seriously…not only is it embarrassing to me that we have let nations make money off of us….but we dont even care…Ce-Ce, Nikki and em’ go right up to Lee’s beauty supply like its nothing….. it’s time for us to wake up as a nation and LOVE ourselves again.
Do you know the health risks of relaxers and dyes??? Of course not…you know why?? TOO MUCH MONEY INVOLVED!!! and where there is money there are LIES right next to it. YES relaxers and dyes cause CANCER!!! Why would they not??? We’re talkin bout HARD CORE CHEMICALS seeping through your pores and into your bloodstream. And please let’s not start on the weave and wig industry.
Its obvious that we hate ourselves, and we let everybody know it. No matter how often you visit the hair salon ( they makin mad loop off us too) or take “care” of your relaxed hair…at the end of all those years of perms and presses ..your hair is ruined. Thinned out , split and burnt… seriously.
So this past weekend i chose FREEDOM….not a black power reiteration from the 60′s…or a rebellious sisterhood movement …or political statement…..or ANYTHING like that……….. i chose to stop being ashamed and fearful of who i really am….of who God made me to be. I realized that saying that I love God and then altering or hiding HIS creation ( no matter what the reason may be) is a contradiction and generational misconception……………….and it stops HERE,…… Praise GOD!
For her and any or ALL of us who happened to get a viewing of Chris Rock’s “Good Hair” doc….all I have to say is…”creamy crack” relaxer…versus aluminum can. Hmmm…stay stuck in the cycle of chemical damage, breakage, oodles of unnatural hair products and $800 weaves…or love my beautiful natural dreads???
@Kami…Aluminum can, tell the truth, you dreaded cause u thought u couldn’t handle a head full of hair. The can went out with the pic. Anywho!
Firstly,Naturals have many options curly, wavy, and straight. But you can’t be lazy, you have to co-poo, detangle, condition and wash more frequently than you avg 1 to 2 week appt done by a beautician and I think that’a what discourages most women young and old. They don’t want to deal with their hair, period.
I don’t think she understands but the whole thing about good hair was how dangerous relaxers are at least that’s what I thought … there are natural ppl who wear weaves and braids as protectives style and when transitioning … I told my friends I was going natural and I had braids pout in my hair and when I saw her she was like “so what is this?” and I was like what do you mean what is this and she was all I thought u were going natural yes but I can do whatever the hell I want with my hair I AM DONE COOKING MY BRIAN with relaxers
people needs to realise that going natural does not make you more black or in-touch with your African side i am going natural because
…it is my choice … you would like to think people will learn from the documentary but oh well ITS YOUR LIFE ITS YOUR CHOICE … keep investing in the chemical waste field!
Joining this a bit late.. but I was shocked by “BABES” comments about British Black people and their “colonial mentality”. I can tell you that as a British black young woman, natural hair movement isn’t “radical” in the UK because having natural hair is not a huge issue in Britain. You will see around the same people with a natural hair style then with relaxed hair or a weave. It is not expected for a child to have her hair permed at the age of 3 (not saying it always is in America, but I’ve never seen a 3 year old with a perm in the UK) and I don’t have people coming up to me telling me I need a weave feeling the pressure that my hair isn’t straight in a job interview/meeting a guy. Again, not saying that this is only an American thing, but I don’t understand where you’ve got that idea that Africans in the UK “conform to European standards”. I actually find that quite laughable.
About her article, I read it and I thought it was an interesting assessment. I have my hair natural because I love it. I was raised to love it by my mother, it’s been natural all my life and I see no other way. Relaxers don’t appeal to me, and neither do weaves. However, I accept that not everyone thinks like me. I understand that some people who are natural sometimes wear a weave. Being rather rude to someone who’s just giving her point of view won’t change anything.