Now and Then: Nkechi
Nkechi was one of 5 winners in our recent “Now and Then” giveaway
I am from Nigeria. I am currently an undergraduate student at an Ivy League university.
On going natural…
I stopped relaxing my hair in May 2008. I transitioned using extensions (braids and weaves) until February 2009. I went to the barber’s to trim my relaxed ends off in February, but he went overboard and cut most of it off, leaving an inch. I was a little unhappy, but I knew my relaxed ends were unhealthy, so I took it in my stride.
I stopped relaxing my hair because I did not know how to take care of my relaxed hair. Before I came to America, I lived in Europe for 2 years. In this time, my hair became severely damaged from scalp burns, heat from flat irons and hairdryers, the cold weather, and the excessive grease I applied to my hair, thinking it would be protected from the cold this way. I decided to stop relaxing my hair because this system of ‘hair care’ was not working.
I wanted the freedom to be able to jump in the shower that my friend Julie had. Adopted by a white mother, her hair had never been straightened. It was full and beautiful. She could jump into the shower without a shower cap. She also did not spend money on extensions or relaxers, and was able to use the holidays where I sometimes stayed to get braids done to travel and explore Europe. I also envied the European girls who could swim and shower anytime they wanted. It was at that point that I realized that chemical straighteners were a choice, not a necessity. I realized that I was subjecting myself to self-imposed restrictions that made my life as a student unnecessarily difficult.
A one-word description of the transformation…
Liberating… My hair is stronger and healthier than ever- it is growing at its normal rate, sheds hair daily at its normal rate and also does not break.
A guy once told me, ‘Why don’t you relax your hair and bleach it blonde like Amber Rose?’
Another guy pointed to my Jamaican friend’s curly hair and said, ‘I wish your hair was like this.’
My dad said, ‘The weave looks better than your real hair.’
My aunty said, ‘Why don’t you texturize it so it can be nice and curly, so that you can comb it.’
My mom said, ‘I still look at you everyday and cannot believe this is my daughter.’
My dentist said, ‘Why don’t you cut it short so it can be neat?’
Although my hair is healthier and thicker than most people I know, it is not straight, and so I still receive comments like this quite often, especially when I am in Nigeria. When I made the decision to stop perming my hair, I held the naïve assumption that it would not be questioned. I didn’t know that most black people (Nigerians, Caribbean, Africans and Black Americans) would think I was either highly religious, ugly, a musician or model, lower class or ‘Rasta’ (Rastafarian). As I am now aware of these stereotypes, I do not hold grudges against these people, I only wish that natural hair would become equal and ‘normal’ to the way relaxed hair is viewed within the black community. How are we going to do this? I don’t know, but I hope I inspire people every time they see me looking fly, and by my ‘hairstory’ published here today, just as BGLH inspires me.
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BGLH now has a forum! Check it out HERE.
she’s officially, my personal hero! Her hair is beautiful and so are her words, GREAT profile;-)!
Hey Nkechi,
I liked reading your story. It’s sad when other people project their own feelings on natural hair isn’t it? Your hair looks fab to me!!
“I do not hold grudges against these people, I only wish that natural hair would become equal and ‘normal’ to the way relaxed hair is viewed within the black community. How are we going to do this?”
Thanks for your post Nkechi. Reading this the words, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” came to mind. I don’t know how we are going to change the way natural hair is viewed within our community either except to say that it will apparently start with us naturals educating those that are around us who are open to new ideas, but more importantly educating our daughters AND sons.
(I add sons, so that our future sons don’t tell a girl some day that she would look better with permed hair….smh. Those men we sometimes read about got some of that attitude from home.)
Your hair looks fabulous!
Ouch. Reading some of those comments hurt MY feelings. If you are not a strong person, people can really mess up our head (literally and figuratively).
I can also relate to spending vacations getting my hair braided and what not. Never again, man. Now that’s an option, not a way of life.
very inspirational. i love that Nkechi made this decision for herself and you can see it in her response as she continues in spite of the lack of support. she makes several good points, this one in particular stood out to me:
“I only wish that natural hair would become equal and ‘normal’ to the way relaxed hair is viewed within the black community. How are we going to do this? I don’t know, but I hope I inspire people every time they see me looking fly, and by my ‘hairstory’ published here today, just as BGLH inspires me.”
it’s good to know we’re not out here alone in our effort to make natural hair ‘normal’ and equal. sending much encouragement your way my sista. peace and many blessings.
thanks for sharing your story, your hair is gorgeous
people can be so rude. I’m glad youve head your head up and kept moving passed the ignorant words
**people can be so rude. I’m glad youve kept your head up and kept moving passed the ignorant words
It’s because of comments like the ones Nkechi has received that I make sure to comment every natural woman I see. I think there is nothing more beautiful than natural hair–my own and that of others, and its beauty constantly leaves me in awe and admiration. It makes me sad when my (black) friends will point to some white girl with choppy hair dyed 4 different colors but frown at naturals.
Igbo kwenu! I totally understand where you are coming from. My hair looks just like your own and I LOVE IT! Nevermind the ignorance.
WoW and I thought the negative comments I got at work about my natural hair were bad. Nkechi’s were AWFUL! But I’m so glad you keep your head up and do not bear any grudges! Grudges create bitterness which eat at our souls, you gotta just keep it moving and I’m so glad that you are! Your confidence is admirable!
awww your hair looks exactly like mine (kinky and thick as hell!), but your braver than me. you’re beautiful too. =]
Your hair is so thick and beautiful. Ignore the rude comments. When I first went natural black men looked at me like how dare you come out the house with your hair natural. Hopefully one day they will understand nothing is wrong with our hair.
Wow, such ignorant comments for a beautiful woman with a gorgeous head of hair!
Your confidence is inspiring. Keep it up. Your hair is amazing.
inspiring, good job
Bravo! Thank you. Your hair is gorgeous (and very much like mine).
I love your hair! Don’t let anyone bring you down. Your courage and maturity shine through and you’re beautiful girl!
Thank God i found someone with my hair texture,Ive been transitioning and all i get from my friends is ur hair is too kinky and hard,it wont be easy to manage so u should go perm it.In my mind im like who are u to tell me what to do with my hair?I believe that all textures are all equally beautiful and should be given care that is appropriate for ones texture.
Nkechi biko,what do u use to keep ur hair moisturized?,even with the castor oil and shea buttter i use,my hair dries up fast,especially in winter
I have a suggestion for Faith, above, I have this hair texture too! I love my hair sooo much now that I understand it and what works for me. It can be a challenge for us 4 type girls too find products that work for us. I have found that deep conditioning treatments are your best friend!! Use a creamy one and keep it on all day/half day, maybe on a Saturday. And apply a heating cap if you like. I love Aubrey Organics. Organic Root Stimulator Hair Mayonaise is great too! Also, get a water based hair mist and mist your hair 2-3 times daily, just a few sprays to add moisture. Your hair will LOVE it. I keep a small bottle in my purse, a formula I made myself: mostly Water, Aloe Vera, your fave oils, such as Jojoba, etc. And keep it up with the shea butter and castor oil, but don’t overdo it. The key is using just the right amount. Also try shea/castor butter on WET hair… And lastly cover your hair at night with a satin cap… Hope this helps. It has helped for me!
thanks a lot! i will try it out asap
Hey Faith,
I moisturize with a shea butter and olive oil mix every morning. I dee condition once a week with any all natural conditioner.
Thanks to everyone who said something positive.
I love BGLH!
What a beautiful hair. I also have the same texture as yours & usually get the “get-a-perm” comments from my mom. Thanks for the hair care tips also. I workout everyday & need something that could work for me if i do a wash ‘n go every morning.
Hi Nkechi,
I really loved your story because it’s quite similar to mine.
I also live in Europe and I know that it is not easy to rock the “fro”, especially with the negative comments coming from other black people. My husband/and colleagues at work (who are white) understand this better than my own family. Even if I sometimes put wigs and braids, I would never never get a relaxer again to achieve the “good girl look” (by this I mean relaxed or pressed hair).
I admire your confidence. You are a beautiful and amazing girl!
I also started with the hair mist, only water in the bottle. I then moved on to amla hair oil and natural hair oils as well as a satin headwrap for the night.
Coconut oil is good as well as massaging the scalp.
I’m planning on using wild hair growth oil again it really softened my hair up to the point that if I twisted my hair it did would unravel!!
So those are some options to think about! good luck.
Thank you Nkechi for being real! Teach your family to be real too or just let your realness marinate so that they’ll take a bit of it one day