Question of the Day: Your very first relaxer
Adorable BGLH reader Ishea
How old were you when your mother/auntie/grandma/cousin first relaxed your hair, and what are your memories of it?
Bajan Princess just added an interesting follow up question: “Do/did any of you discuss the feelings that you have/had (I see some of you said you were/are angry) with your mothers? Do they feel any remorse or regret for perming your hair?”
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Oh Lord!!!! Yes I remember. I was 12 years old when I got my first relaxer. My mother did not approve, so it was actually a friend of hers who took me to get it without her approval. I was just so excited to finally have my hair free and blowing in the wind. My mother’s friend took me to some shady looking salon down some alleyway. Well anyway, we get there and I hop up in the chair. The hair dresser applies the relaxer, but while she is doing so, she is also smoking, but I’m too preoccupied with how my new hair is going to look!!! Then comes the burn. No one told me that you can’t scratch or comb before a perm. truth was, I wasn’t supposed to be getting a perm in the first place. My mother’s friend’s daughter was getting one on that particular day, so they just decided to give me one as well. It burned until I came to the point of tears. Finally they washed it out, and I had the “desired” result. Long, down my back, silky, shiny, straight hair. I was in love with it, because that’s how hair was supposed to look right?? Anyway, my mom was mad when I came home with a perm, and my hair smelled like smoke for weeks after, no matter how many times I washed my hair. I had scaps all over my head, and, being 12, I didn’t know how to take care of my hair (styling wise, moisturizing wise) I didn’t even wrap my hair at night, so of course, I began the dreaded battle with breakage and split ends……………………On a happy note, I’m all natural now and have a full healthy head of hair!!!
I was 13 it was for my it was for my 8th grade graduation I wanted one before that but my mother didn’t let me. She still didn’t want me to until I graduated high school but she gave in. After that I experimented with different length and colors I was just fascinated with all things hair and I just spent my high school years trying new things. I’m now 21 and I’m transitioning haven’t had a perm in 8 months I love it I can’t wait to completely transform, I already feel free,
I was five…there is a picture of me i need to find of lil ol me sitting in the chair w/ a PCJ relaxer……bad times man!
My mother has like 3 c type hair, I have 4 c..needless to say she had NO idea what to do w/ it so quickly began to perm my hair.
By the time I was 16 and badly doing my own the damage was so bad and extensive, i had balds spots, by 18 i just cut it all off and started, over, and over and over again…trial and error , I just wish this site was along back then!
I was about 6 years old and it was a cold day in 1969. I knew we were doing something special, because mom, my big sis, and I rode about 30 minutes away to some strange beauty shop. What I remember most was being assaulted by the strong smell and walking out with straight hair hanging down my back like a white girls. Bless my heart, when I decided to go natural, I had not idea what to expect. I was saddened to realize I didn’t remember my natural texture. After I finished transitioning and found my thick natural hair was pretty manageable, I asked my mom, “why did you get us perms?” She replied, “it was a social thing. It’s what all the women that could were doing.” This coming from a woman that constantly said, “if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”
My hair is healthier and longer than ever! I love switching my styles depending on my mood or choice of daily fashion. Social thing, please. I will not jump off that bridge again!
I was in elementry school(late 70’s early 80’s) when my grandmother put the lye perm in my hair. I was so happy, running around the house shaking my hair like a white girl! Then she would set me under the dryer like some old lady and roller set my hair, I hated that! Once the rollers were out my curls were crunchy from the setting lotion she used. After soon many years of that, the last time I got my hair relaxed, she was appling the creame to my hair and after a while my scalp was on fire(like that scene from Malcom X the movie when he got his hair relaxed)! She quickly washed it out and all of my hair in the back of my head broke off. I was so upset! The next week she took me to the beauty parlor and I got a Jheri curl. So from the sixth grade until I graduated high school I had a curl. I refuse to go the college with a curl, so I got a relaxer again. Once I saw the group Zhane in the 90’s, I cut my hair natural. I been natural ever since and I will never look back!
I had my first relaxer when I was 16 years old. At that time, the relaxers were all lye base. It was done in the basement of a nieghbor’s home. All I can remember is that my hair was not as straight as I thought it would be. None of it broke off; my hair remained as healthy as it was prior to the relaxer, however, it was many years later when Revelon brought out a relaxer that I had it done again. Now, at this point in my life, I don’t use relaxers anymore. I haven’t had one since July, 2008.
I got my first perm in third grade back in the early 1970s. This was because my natural hair was very long and thick and I cried whenever it was time to wash and detangle it. They didn’t have any special moisturizers or leave in conditioners to help soften the hair at that time, so doing my hair was a big chore. My mom took me to several hair dressers to get a price, but none wanted to touch my hair for less than $25.00. She found someone who agreed to do it for $18.00 but after the hairdresser was done, she asked for the $25.00. I cried and carried on the whole time because my hair was so tangled and had to be combed out before she could do the perm. I was dissappointed to have my long straight ponytail put in a big braid. What was the difference? I had always worn my hair that way. The perm changed my hair texture, but my hair didn’t break. I didn’t get a perm again until 4 years later when I was trying to be cute in junior high school. I went natural off and on for years before I gave up the perm for good in 1998. I haven’t had a perm in 12 years! I eventualy began locking my hair and have been wearing this style for 7 years. The best hair decision I have ever made!!
I got my first perm for my high school prom. Up until then it had been press and curl all the way. My mom asked if I was sure…I was definitely sure because I wanted a cute short hair cut that could only be achieved with a perm. I continued to perm for 5 years and then texturized for 2. Went back to the perm after a few years, then back to a texturizer. I finally went natural after a perm broke my hair off at the top, and a texturizer came out with me showing more scalp than curl. After the last texturizer I let my hair grow. A bad trim had me cutting my hair all over again. I have been natural for over a year and absolutely love it. My mom and sisters keep asking me when I am going to do my hair…
I was 5 (1984) and I remember it like yesterday. Every Saturday my grandmother, who was a professional stylist back in the day, would wash my long thick hair, detangle it, sit me under the dryer, press it, pull it, and finally candy curl it. The process would start at about 8a.m. and end about 4p.m. Well this Saturday, my mom pulls out a mysterious jar of this smelly white stuff and slathers it on. I mean from roots to tip! My grandmother protested from the background, but my mother was hell bent on getting my hair to “lay down” like my sisters. It started to burn almost immediately. I was crying so hard that I started to hyperventilate, which I got in trouble for. They finally washed it out and I hated it from day one because of the tight spiked roller set. My head hurt and my hair was crunchy. I remember waking up and feeling the wetness from the chemical burns that had started to puss over. To add insult to injury, I got a gheri curl less than a year later…ARGHHHHH!!!
The first time my mother put a relaxer in my hair I was about 7 or 8 years old. I had hair down to the middle of my back & it was too much to handle naturally, I guess. I didn’t like the time put into relaxing it, or the pain. As I got older, I would only relax my hair twice a year, but I finally stopped using them after I had my son at the age of 28. I’m very happy with the health of my hair & how I take care of it. I only put heat on it twice a month now & get regular trims every six weeks.
12 years old my mother and aunt who is a beautician talked me into a perm. We argued for hours then I finally gave in only because they said “Just this ONE time!!” which was a lie.
I was a child who took PRIDE in her African heritage and NATURAL hair. The perm was the beginning of myself consciousness and SELF-ESTEEM issues.I began to think my blackness wasn’t enough in American society. I tried to bleach my gums(which was painful), LOSE weight and GAIN in the same time span. 2006 I decided to go natural again I did not have my mothers support but I did not care! because I felt like a QUEEN!!! when I cut it short.
Being of Puerto Rican background, relaxers are like second nature to culture sadly. Thankfully, my mother regrets giving me one to this day. She’s always told me my hair is beautiful.
My first relaxer was when I was about 6 years old. Truth be told I don’t remember it, but many more relaxers followed all the way until I was 15 years old. I remember the later relaxers in my life. I was searching for the “holy grail” hair: smooth shiny and straight. I basically wanted to be white (no offense to white people). I never was satisfied with how the salon ladies styled my hair. It never looked the way I wanted it. This caused many sobbing spells. One sad day at 15, my hair was stiff and stood up on end without me knowing. Everyone at school laughed at me. I couldn’t even go to class. That day I made a choice and did my first BC. After some growth, I got my hair locked.
After wearing my hair locked for 4-7 years, I BC again and started a TWA not knowing how to properly care for my hair. Went back to creamy crack twice. Then I finally woke up after my mother in law pulled me aside and gave some “constructive” crit about not letting my hair grow out to “Don King” proportions. I finally found sites like these and my hair looks great and I’m proud of it.