Question of the Day: Your very first relaxer
Adorable BGLH reader Ishea
How old were you when your mother/auntie/grandma/cousin first relaxed your hair, and what are your memories of it?
Bajan Princess just added an interesting follow up question: “Do/did any of you discuss the feelings that you have/had (I see some of you said you were/are angry) with your mothers? Do they feel any remorse or regret for perming your hair?”
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Oh Lord!!!! Yes I remember. I was 12 years old when I got my first relaxer. My mother did not approve, so it was actually a friend of hers who took me to get it without her approval. I was just so excited to finally have my hair free and blowing in the wind. My mother’s friend took me to some shady looking salon down some alleyway. Well anyway, we get there and I hop up in the chair. The hair dresser applies the relaxer, but while she is doing so, she is also smoking, but I’m too preoccupied with how my new hair is going to look!!! Then comes the burn. No one told me that you can’t scratch or comb before a perm. truth was, I wasn’t supposed to be getting a perm in the first place. My mother’s friend’s daughter was getting one on that particular day, so they just decided to give me one as well. It burned until I came to the point of tears. Finally they washed it out, and I had the “desired” result. Long, down my back, silky, shiny, straight hair. I was in love with it, because that’s how hair was supposed to look right?? Anyway, my mom was mad when I came home with a perm, and my hair smelled like smoke for weeks after, no matter how many times I washed my hair. I had scaps all over my head, and, being 12, I didn’t know how to take care of my hair (styling wise, moisturizing wise) I didn’t even wrap my hair at night, so of course, I began the dreaded battle with breakage and split ends……………………On a happy note, I’m all natural now and have a full healthy head of hair!!!
I was 13 it was for my it was for my 8th grade graduation I wanted one before that but my mother didn’t let me. She still didn’t want me to until I graduated high school but she gave in. After that I experimented with different length and colors I was just fascinated with all things hair and I just spent my high school years trying new things. I’m now 21 and I’m transitioning haven’t had a perm in 8 months I love it I can’t wait to completely transform, I already feel free,
I was five…there is a picture of me i need to find of lil ol me sitting in the chair w/ a PCJ relaxer……bad times man!
My mother has like 3 c type hair, I have 4 c..needless to say she had NO idea what to do w/ it so quickly began to perm my hair.
By the time I was 16 and badly doing my own the damage was so bad and extensive, i had balds spots, by 18 i just cut it all off and started, over, and over and over again…trial and error , I just wish this site was along back then!
I was about 6 years old and it was a cold day in 1969. I knew we were doing something special, because mom, my big sis, and I rode about 30 minutes away to some strange beauty shop. What I remember most was being assaulted by the strong smell and walking out with straight hair hanging down my back like a white girls. Bless my heart, when I decided to go natural, I had not idea what to expect. I was saddened to realize I didn’t remember my natural texture. After I finished transitioning and found my thick natural hair was pretty manageable, I asked my mom, “why did you get us perms?” She replied, “it was a social thing. It’s what all the women that could were doing.” This coming from a woman that constantly said, “if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?”
My hair is healthier and longer than ever! I love switching my styles depending on my mood or choice of daily fashion. Social thing, please. I will not jump off that bridge again!
I was in elementry school(late 70′s early 80′s) when my grandmother put the lye perm in my hair. I was so happy, running around the house shaking my hair like a white girl! Then she would set me under the dryer like some old lady and roller set my hair, I hated that! Once the rollers were out my curls were crunchy from the setting lotion she used. After soon many years of that, the last time I got my hair relaxed, she was appling the creame to my hair and after a while my scalp was on fire(like that scene from Malcom X the movie when he got his hair relaxed)! She quickly washed it out and all of my hair in the back of my head broke off. I was so upset! The next week she took me to the beauty parlor and I got a Jheri curl. So from the sixth grade until I graduated high school I had a curl. I refuse to go the college with a curl, so I got a relaxer again. Once I saw the group Zhane in the 90′s, I cut my hair natural. I been natural ever since and I will never look back!
I had my first relaxer when I was 16 years old. At that time, the relaxers were all lye base. It was done in the basement of a nieghbor’s home. All I can remember is that my hair was not as straight as I thought it would be. None of it broke off; my hair remained as healthy as it was prior to the relaxer, however, it was many years later when Revelon brought out a relaxer that I had it done again. Now, at this point in my life, I don’t use relaxers anymore. I haven’t had one since July, 2008.
I got my first perm in third grade back in the early 1970s. This was because my natural hair was very long and thick and I cried whenever it was time to wash and detangle it. They didn’t have any special moisturizers or leave in conditioners to help soften the hair at that time, so doing my hair was a big chore. My mom took me to several hair dressers to get a price, but none wanted to touch my hair for less than $25.00. She found someone who agreed to do it for $18.00 but after the hairdresser was done, she asked for the $25.00. I cried and carried on the whole time because my hair was so tangled and had to be combed out before she could do the perm. I was dissappointed to have my long straight ponytail put in a big braid. What was the difference? I had always worn my hair that way. The perm changed my hair texture, but my hair didn’t break. I didn’t get a perm again until 4 years later when I was trying to be cute in junior high school. I went natural off and on for years before I gave up the perm for good in 1998. I haven’t had a perm in 12 years! I eventualy began locking my hair and have been wearing this style for 7 years. The best hair decision I have ever made!!
I got my first perm for my high school prom. Up until then it had been press and curl all the way. My mom asked if I was sure…I was definitely sure because I wanted a cute short hair cut that could only be achieved with a perm. I continued to perm for 5 years and then texturized for 2. Went back to the perm after a few years, then back to a texturizer. I finally went natural after a perm broke my hair off at the top, and a texturizer came out with me showing more scalp than curl. After the last texturizer I let my hair grow. A bad trim had me cutting my hair all over again. I have been natural for over a year and absolutely love it. My mom and sisters keep asking me when I am going to do my hair…
I was 5 (1984) and I remember it like yesterday. Every Saturday my grandmother, who was a professional stylist back in the day, would wash my long thick hair, detangle it, sit me under the dryer, press it, pull it, and finally candy curl it. The process would start at about 8a.m. and end about 4p.m. Well this Saturday, my mom pulls out a mysterious jar of this smelly white stuff and slathers it on. I mean from roots to tip! My grandmother protested from the background, but my mother was hell bent on getting my hair to “lay down” like my sisters. It started to burn almost immediately. I was crying so hard that I started to hyperventilate, which I got in trouble for. They finally washed it out and I hated it from day one because of the tight spiked roller set. My head hurt and my hair was crunchy. I remember waking up and feeling the wetness from the chemical burns that had started to puss over. To add insult to injury, I got a gheri curl less than a year later…ARGHHHHH!!!
The first time my mother put a relaxer in my hair I was about 7 or 8 years old. I had hair down to the middle of my back & it was too much to handle naturally, I guess. I didn’t like the time put into relaxing it, or the pain. As I got older, I would only relax my hair twice a year, but I finally stopped using them after I had my son at the age of 28. I’m very happy with the health of my hair & how I take care of it. I only put heat on it twice a month now & get regular trims every six weeks.
12 years old my mother and aunt who is a beautician talked me into a perm. We argued for hours then I finally gave in only because they said “Just this ONE time!!” which was a lie.
I was a child who took PRIDE in her African heritage and NATURAL hair. The perm was the beginning of myself consciousness and SELF-ESTEEM issues.I began to think my blackness wasn’t enough in American society. I tried to bleach my gums(which was painful), LOSE weight and GAIN in the same time span. 2006 I decided to go natural again I did not have my mothers support but I did not care! because I felt like a QUEEN!!! when I cut it short.
Being of Puerto Rican background, relaxers are like second nature to culture sadly. Thankfully, my mother regrets giving me one to this day. She’s always told me my hair is beautiful.
My first relaxer was when I was about 6 years old. Truth be told I don’t remember it, but many more relaxers followed all the way until I was 15 years old. I remember the later relaxers in my life. I was searching for the “holy grail” hair: smooth shiny and straight. I basically wanted to be white (no offense to white people). I never was satisfied with how the salon ladies styled my hair. It never looked the way I wanted it. This caused many sobbing spells. One sad day at 15, my hair was stiff and stood up on end without me knowing. Everyone at school laughed at me. I couldn’t even go to class. That day I made a choice and did my first BC. After some growth, I got my hair locked.
After wearing my hair locked for 4-7 years, I BC again and started a TWA not knowing how to properly care for my hair. Went back to creamy crack twice. Then I finally woke up after my mother in law pulled me aside and gave some “constructive” crit about not letting my hair grow out to “Don King” proportions. I finally found sites like these and my hair looks great and I’m proud of it.
I’m Puerto Rican and unfortunately I was one of the ones whose family started relazing their hair at early ages. For me it was the age of four. I still remember all throughout my life hating having to perm my hair and just wanting to be free. So many times, I would try to let it grow out only to be met with disapproving comments. I have had a perm on my hair for 30 years. I am tired of it and am planning to bc it off. I have not permed it since November 2009 and I am looking for someone to cut it off! I want to be free, I want to be me.
I don’t remember getting my first relaxer. I think I got my first one against what most people call the “safe” age at either 2 or 3. I started head-start at 3 and my hair was deffinitely relaxed by then. I remember living in Alaska though and wearing my straight leg, starch stiff pale sea foam jean pants with my blue and pink sweater on. And I remember sitting forever and enduring the painful itchiness I would feel. I remember thinking it was so terrible to have to spend so much time on hair and found it heartbreaking to know that it was only people who looked like me who had to deal with such a process. My hair reached the middle of my back. I was told that I was a gorgeous child, but I couldn’t understand why all of me wasn’t.
I’m 20yrs old now. I start transitioning last Halloween with my last relaxer, I’ve had a BC, and now I’m rockin what Mama was tryna hide; A spiral curled fro’ed out crown.
YES YES YES!! I WAS 8YRS OLD.MY SISTER AND I WERE ON SUMMER VACATION TO VISIT OUR GRANDPARENTS. OUR HAIR WAS NOT KINKY. BUT B/CAUSE IT WAS SO LONG AND THICK IT WOULD GET REALLY TANGLED AFTER WASHING. I GUESS MY G-MA DIDN’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO MANAGE OUR HAIR. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE HAD A COUSIN WHO WORKED IN JCPENNY SALON IN CANTON, OH. G-MA TOOK US THERE ONE DAY AND THE DREADED CYCLE OF RELAXERS HAD BEGUN!! OVER THE YEARS I CAME TO DEVELOP A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HAIR..LOL..NOW AT 28, I HAVE DECIDED TO TRANSITION BACK TO MY NATURAL HAIR AND I AM LOVING THE FREEDOM IT BRINGS! I AM 8-9 MONTHS INTO TRANSITION AND MY HAIR AND SCALP ARE NOTICEABLY HEALTHIER. ALSO, MY HAIR GROWS AT AN ALARMING RATE! IT WAS ALREADY LONG BUT NOW I THINK IT HAS TAKEN ON A LIFE OF IT’S OWN AND I’M LOVING IT!THANKS BGLH FOR ALLLLLL OF THE ENCOURAGEMENT THIS SITE OFFERS!
my mom first relaxed my hair when i was seven the day before my first starring role in a play
I was 14 and in 9th grade when I got my first relaxer. I had shoulder length hair and was amazed how my hair was blowing in the wind…felt like I was in a Gentle Treatment commercial(I am dating myself!!).
I was 12. It was a cold November day. I had been pulled out during class [PE of all classes]by my oldest sister and taken to Nashville. I wasn’t told why or where we were going. We finally arrived at some random hairdresser to whom my sister had been referred. No one told me not to scratch my head- which had been all sweaty from PE and scratched because my scalp was dry. Anyway, 5 minutes into the application, THE BURN began. The hairdresser could barely finish applying the perm before she had to rinse it out. I was hysterically crying. She styled my hair and sent me on with a tube of PERM REPAIR. WTH? Needless to say, my hair has not been as THICK or as LONG (it used to be mid back length. I love my sister, but I still have some unresolved issues with that day. WHEW this has been theraputic!
Well, 22 years later I decided to end the cycle of dryness & breakage. I cringed when my same sister had some RANDOM stylist that someone had referred, and had her 11 year old get a relaxer. Two relaxers later and severe breakage she has decided to have her go natural again! Hopefully this time she has learned!
My mom first relaxed my hair in fourth grade when i began taking swim classes…i was sooooo excited i wanted straight “easy-to-manage” hair like my older sister. My mother has 5 daughters of whom I am the darkest skinned so throughout my life i’ve heard comments about my dark-skin and “nappy” hair in contrast to my mother’s light skin and straight hair (i have never seen my mother’s natural hair texture other than pictures). Of course relaxing and chlorine dont mix, my hair had broken off and ends had split. Throughout middle, junior, and 3yrs of highschool i continued with the relaxing. I suffered with my self-esteem, self-image, and self-identity issues. My older, 23-yo sister went natural about 6yrs ago and i loved her hair, she ROCKED an afro and i admired her. So after seeing my sister looking gorgeous with her natural mane and seeing a Tyra episode about black women who bleached their skin and another about black women with relaxed vs. natural hair I decided to stop relaxing my hair my senior year in hs, I saw it as a means to an end of self-doubt, hatred, and a path to self discovery. I wanted to show my younger sisters they didnot have to conform to European beauty standards and they are beautiful the way they are. My hair serves as a representation of my heritage(which i do not know too well having enslaved ancestors and all). I had my last perm a few days before my 18th birthday, May 14th…and i have never been happier!!! I love my natural hair textre it is so soft and not at all “nappy”. I still get negative comments from my mother about my hair when it is in it’s natural state free of two-strand twists or some other style she views as taming my “unkempt” hair but i love the freedom and versatility of my hair being natural. I have expressed to my mother my disappointment and sadness of her chemically straightening my hair and protested vehemently when she relaxed my 15 yo sister’s hair a few years ago (when i was still relaxed) and have let it be known that I will not allow her to relax my 6and9 yo sister’s hair, i have even encouraged her to go natural(but she won’t). I even asked her why she relaxed my hair to which she replied: “I got tired of combing it and i couldn’t straighten it because it would melt, it was nappy!” Now having a daughter of my own I refuse to chemically straighten her hair and being 3 weeks old, i am quick to correct anyone who comments that she had “good hair” because it is curly and silky. I wont let her be brainwashed or feel ashamed of her hair. I LOVE MY NATURAL HAIR
I was 5 years old and I remember being so happy because my mom said that my hair would look like the girls on the PCJ box and she promised that my head would not hurt anymore when she was combing it. I.WAS.SOLD. I remember FEELING the relaxer being rinsed out of my hair and feeling this mass of slickness just laying down my back. I looked over at my mother with bright eyes and she laughed at me. When it was all done, I had this beautiful head of long, “shiny”, straight hair and I didn’t know what to do with myself… until about the 4th grade when I was allowed to do my own ponytails and I discovered gel and hairspray! That was the end of it. I struggled with my hair until about college. It started to grow back to its’ fullness and length but then I BC’ed and that is a story to be told another time!
I was 12. My mother let me wear my hair down and natural for about a year, she must not have liked the way it looked, or figured since I was going to junior high, I should have a relaxer. There really wasn’t much conversation about it. I just know that she did the first one and then taught me how to do my own and I did it for about two decades before “seeing the light”. Yes, I regret getting my first relaxer, if I better understood why I, as an african american female, relaxed my hair and realized early on that I really was doing it in an effort to “fit in” or look more Eurocentic, I would have preferred to have been older and wiser before deciding (or having the decision made for me) to relax.
I still love me some mama though