Your photos your thoughts: Kicked out because of her locks
BGLHer Diana, a travel writer, wrote this piece about her harrowing experience with locks. Check it out…
LOCKED IN
~by Diana O’Gilvie
I went home to Jamaica for a month after my aunt kicked me out of her Bronx apartment because I’d started to lock my hair. The natural hairstyle epitomized my Bob Marley is not as widely accepted in Jamaica as foreigners would assume. The term “dreadlocks” is a derogatory one. It originated from the saying “those dreadful locks.”
My fascination with locks began in my pre-teen years when I noticed both my uncles’ locks reached their knees and backs. I liked the way their locks moved as they kicked football on Sundays. The language they used that lifted me up. They called me “Empress” and “Queen.” I was intrigued with the mystique of the Rastafarian culture and religion that lived a lifestyle anchored in vegetarianism and physical fitness. The ritual sounds of the drumbeats in the music pounded in my heart.
Rastafari harkens Africa as the motherland and abhors the oppression of capitalism. In my rebellious “Screw The Man” phase, this appealed to me even more. African consciousness received the strongest support from Garvey’s Pan- Africanism doctrine. Black people were encouraged to be self- sufficient and control their own destiny. During the 1920’s and 1930’s, this doctrine was gospel to the youth in the Kingston slums. Locking one’s hair served the dual purpose of embracing the Afro-Jamaican culture and flipping the bird on England’s colonial hold. But Rastafarian youths were seen as a disgrace to Jamaica’s national image. They represented and intolerable rebelliousness that neo-colonialized Jamaicans wouldn’t stand for. After all, how could they not straighten or comb their hair? The book Chanting Down Babylon reports that many people with dreadlocks were badly beaten and even lost their lives to angry mobs. It was more a common practice to forcibly shave the locks off a Rasta man or woman’s head. Marley’s “Chase Those Crazy Baldheads” aimed to reverse the discrimination and told the matted hair youths to drive the “baldheads” or people with normal hair away from their homes. Since 1950’s many Rastafarians created their own communes in the mountains where they could live freely away from the city.
My aunt was from the era that viewed locks as unhygienic. She is a church going woman whose hair was straightened since she was a little girl. When her hair started to grow out revealing the kinky roots she would make an appointment with the hairdresser promptly. If she couldn’t get an appointment or lacked the funds, her hair would hide under a hat in public. There was no way her niece would live under her roof with that mess on top her head. The days leading up to my ejection were normal, except for a comment she made when she saw my hair in its natural state, “What is that on top your head?” her voice tinged with bitter restraint. I replied, “I am growing my locks Auntie.” She didn’t respond. I heard her on the phone the next day complaining that I was smoking weed. Even though I wasn’t smoking my locks were linked to drug abuse. A week later I come home one evening from class and saw four large garbage bags in the hallway. I shrugged it off and thought it was garbage from spring -cleaning. Then I inserted my key and it didn’t fit. I rang the bell and knocked incessantly, but inside, the television’s volume only grew louder.
Home
As the plane touched down in Kingston I breathed a sigh of relief. School was out for the summer and I was going to see my family. I relished sucking on ripe mangoes under the trees, eating fried fish at the beach and going clubbing in New Kingston. I was a little nervous about what my family would say about my new hair. The last time they saw me I was confined in the parameters of what they think I should look like with my hair chemically straightened. I decided to hold my ground no matter what. I was not going to let them talk me out my personal decision. After all I was the homeless victim here. I had finished out the rest of the semester sleeping on friends’ couches and floors. As I stepped foot onto the red verandah floor my grandfather brushed pass me on his way to the rum bar. He muttered he would be back to talk to me. I saw the disappointment in my grandparents’ eyes. The look said they had raised me better that. My grandmother Ruby gave up her pension so I could move to America. She was uncharacteristically quiet.
A few hours later, Papa returned from the bar. I was sitting on the living looking out the window, eyeing an apple in the garden. “Look here girl,” he began, as her climbed up the scarlet steps. “You are the underdog in your aunt’s house. Cut those things off and when you get your own place you can do what you want with your hair. We didn’t send you to ‘Merica to live on the street.” He said the last sentence with so much emotion his voice shook, I could see the tears pooling at the sides of his eyes. Great I’ve made my grandfather cry. The patriarch of my family was in tears because of me. How could I do this to them? I began to question my locks. Were they worth discord in family? I readily answered no.
I can remember being ashamed of my natural hair when I was a teenager. I attended an all-girls high school and pressure to look like the uptown upper class girls was felt as soon as I entered the school gates on my first day. I was one of three girls in my class who had natural hair. By the second week of school, I asked to get my hair straightened. I am light skinned and I don’t have “good hair” or soft, manageable mixed race hair. I could easily pass off weaves and braids as if they were my own hair. Tightly coiled curls sit on top of my head. There was a colonial hold on my thinking that was passed down from slave women to the later generation of my grandmother and then to her children. This thinking revealed that I wasn’t considered beautiful with my hair in it’s natural state. Slave women’s concept of beauty was demoralized on the plantation. I had to strive to look like the, standard of beauty, which was the European or American slave owner’s wife on the sugarcane plantation. Thanks to Madame CJ Walker’s hair straightening invention, millions of Black women worldwide apply chemicals to straighten their hair. These chemicals burn until they break the skin of the scalp, resulting in extreme irritation. Why was I putting myself through that every month? It hurt too much to be beautiful.
And now?
I knew I made the right decision for my family, but I couldn’t help feeling like a sellout every time I went to the hairdresser to get my hair straightened or sew in weave. I haven’t grown my locks back as yet. I fully intend to. It feels as if I have unfinished business with my hair. I dread the actual baby-locking phase and I am considering lock extensions, but the cost to get those is as much as my rent. Intrinsically, I feel like a Rasta-woman and I carry myself with that lioness pride. I know I will have a head full of locks one day. I have done my duty to my grandparents when they were alive and now it’s my turn to continue living my own life with the lessons they have bestowed on me.
At the inception of writing this essay, I had a full head of blonde weave sewn onto my hair. As I write this I can happily say that it’s all gone. What remains is my badly-damaged-from-from-years-of weave-and-braids, natural, kinky hair. I found a natural hair salon in Brooklyn and had my hair deep conditioned and twisted. As I left the salon I felt a strange sensation on my scalp. It was the wind. I marveled at the realization that I hadn’t felt breeze on my scalp in years. The sensation spurred my back to straighten up, my stride got longer and I couldn’t stop admiring myself in storefront windows. As I waited on the subway platform I lost count of how many Black women had in hair extensions. Until a few hours ago I was one of them. The weaves looked like helmets. I felt sorry for them and hoped they will be enlightened one day. As the train sped across Brooklyn, and I settled in my seat I knew I made the right decision, this time for me. I ran my fingers through my hair and knew I was free.
For more of Diana, check out her blog http://love2travelwrite.wordpress.com/
Ok, as someone raised in Kingston, I know I have clashed with other Jamaican BGLHers in terms of what I felt was acceptable hair-wise. While I rarely had any issues wearing my hair naturally when I was younger, I am beginning to see that perhaps Jamaica isn’t as progressive when it comes to natural hair as I thought. And that’s a huge disappointment.
Diana, I am sorry you had such a terrible experience. *Sigh.
This is not only a problem in Jamaica, this is a problem for the whole Diaspora or those that were either under the oppression of Slavery and Colonialism. People of African descent were conditioned to hate everything about themselves, the sad reality is that the conditioning still exists in the mind-set of the people. This self-hatred will not end until we learn to accept our physical features and embrace our own beauty and as long as the dominant culture controls how we think and view ourselves many people will be forever enslaved by their thoughts and insecurities.This way of thinking has been passed from one generation to the next generation, and only we can break the chains.
I had tears in my eyes as I read this. I’m so strong willed that I have never even given ear to any negativity about my hair and as a result I only hear positive things. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It’s just hair. Why should it be a reflection of who you are and why does the way your hair look affect people’s perception of who you are inside? Will we ever break these chains?
It’s a good thing there is a natural hair community that will always have your back when it comes to your hair decisions. God bless you.
I wish I could say that this is the first time I’ve heard this before, but it isn’t. My family is also from Jamaica and wearing one’s hair natural isn’t always welcomed. It starts with my grandmother. Every time she sees my hair in a twist-out, afro puff or even twist she just shakes her head. Most of the time she just ask when am I going to comb my hair and walks away. If i ever decided to get get locks, she has made it very clear not to enter her house. I haven’t considered it but my mother has and for that reason she hasn’t done it. . What saddens me the most is that my grandmother continues to perm her hair even though it is thinning and severely damaged. I just wish there was some way to show her there is nothing wrong with natural hair.
Hmm being of Trinidadian descent, reading this made me think of my own family and their views on natural hair. Sadly I think if I wore my hair natural when I was younger and still living at home my grandmother wouldn’t have liked it. Now she’s in her 80s and sports a short natural do so maybe she won’t mind. She hasn’t seen me yet since I BC’ed in May. Time will tell. I tried to think of how many locked women/men I have in my family and I can only recount one uncle who was a true Rasta. I loved his spirit, boisterous and regal. His locks were all the way down his back. He was definitely a presence to behold!
I’m sorry you experienced this and I hope you return to your hair love (locks) soon!
Dear BGLH:
Thanks so much for your insights. Anything that helps sistahs develop more self-love and self-acceptance is welcomed and much needed. Congratulations on the following you’ve developed.
Since you mentioned Madam C. J. Walker, I just wanted to respectfully offer a little historical perspective as her biographer and great-great-granddaughter: Madam Walker did not develop or sell chemical hair straighteners and did not invent the hot comb as many people have come to believe. Her initial products were a natural vegetable shampoo and a petrolatum based ointment with sulfur called Madam Walker’s Wonderful Hair Grower. A century ago when she started her company most homes in America and elsewhere didn’t have indoor plumbing, electricity and central heating. Routine hygiene was very different. Most people bathed only once a week and many women only washed their hair once a month and sometimes not at all during the winter. As a result they had such severe scalp disease and dandruff that many were going bald. Madam Walker was one of them, so out of necessity she developed scalp treatments and a system of hair care. She did sell hot combs to her sales agents, but she was more concerned with healthy hair and scalps more than hair straightening. There actually were hundreds of other companies–many of them black owned–marketing products to black women in the early 20th century, so she was only one of many pioneers of the modern day hair care and cosmetics industries.
If you ever have a chance to look at early 20th century newspapers that carried Madam Walker’s ads, you’ll never see the word “straightener,” though you will see the word in the ads of some of her competitors. If you’re really interested in learning about her, I hope you’ll visit my website (www.madamcjwalker.com) and read my book, On Her Own Ground: The Life and Times of Madam C. J. Walker.
@ A’Lelia… Thank you for the clarification!
This story really saddens me and it is not the first time I have heard something similar. My family is from Trinidad, and a few years ago, my mother, sister and I went to visit my mother’s sister in Port of Spain. One night, we went out for dinner with my aunt and some of her friends; one of her friends has a son, “E,” who is about my age and he wears his hair in long, beautiful free-form locs. He had just graduated from college and was looking for a job. During dinner, one of my aunt’s friends told E that the only way he was ever going to find work in Trinidad, or in the Caribbean at large, was if he cut his locs. This same man, who is a prominent lawyer, went on and on about how, just thirty years ago, if you wore locs, the police would beat you and you would be ostracized. He expressed his absolute disdain that “you young people” would ever wear our hair locked. After dinner, my mother told me that I’d better not ever loc my hair. In fact, the first time I tried (and failed) at going natural, when I told my mother I was planning to grow out my relaxer, she replied sharply, “You’re going to grow out your hair and do WHAT with it?”
Vonmiwi is right. This isn’t a problem just in Jamaica.
Diana, I am sorry you had to go throw that. I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been to come home to your belongings discarded like garbage. And I also cannot imagine what it must be like to hate my natural self so much that I would rather have my niece from another country living in the streets than in my own home because she decided to loc her hair.
That was a really moving story; to be kicked out the house over hair?! That’s really deep.
wow, such a touching heartfelt piece. As a Jamaican I understand and agree with a lot of what she’s saying. There are ppl. in my family who are not happy with my decision to wear my hair in its natural state. When I told one of them I wanted to loc in the future she made a sound indicating that she was disgusted.
This story brought me to tears. I am also from Trinidad and currently live there and I am growing my locs. My mom actually has encouraged me to go for it as she used to be loc’d herself. I’ve been natural for most of my life mostly because of my mother who never encouraged me to straighten my hair. I think when I was younger my grandmother did not like when I wore my hair in twists but now she seems fine with it and even compliments me on my hair which always shocks me due to her previous attitude. I think she mellowed with age.
There are some people who express negativity but I don’t pay them any mind because I know that the people who love like me just the way I am
Another story to respond to the comment abt natural hair and job interviews in Trinidad:: When I graduated from University I made sure to keep my natural hair in a closely cropped cut for job interviews. Turns out the first interview I had was a phone interview so the people never even saw my face. In another interview, for a successful boutique Public Relations firm, the Managing Director had a huge not-at-all-tamed afro.
So just shows that, even though there’s negativity towards natural hair in the job market, each person’s experience can be different
@ A’Leila: Thanks for giving me your great-great grandmother CJ Walker’s perspective. It is interesting that my research accredited her inventing the chemical straightners. I will definitely check out your book and website.
My Dear Diana, I love the story. Its seems we went through similar problems with our families. My father had stopped talking to me and started referring to me as “mi daughtha wid d dutty dreads”. The difference between us was that I was already on my own since 16 so there was nothing he could do about it. When I went home, my family treated me as if I grew another head. “Lawd misses a mad u mad” With all the comments they all came around. I’m glad you have decided to be who you want to be without no inhabitions. U will see that just choosing to revert to your original self, everyone will begin 2 treat u differently. The cat calls or d comments that might have been thrown at U will now be one of respect. Don’t get me wrong u’ll still get those few nuckleheads but definately not as much. Cutting off my locks was very difficult for me but I was going through a change in life. The military has now placed locks as one of the “styles” that females can no longer wear without being grandfathered in, being a Rastafarian is not even acknowledged as a religion. I fight to be who I want to be every day. I dawn a wig, when I have to put on d face they want to see but enjoy rocking d boat with my natural twists every chance I get. I don’t believe I should have to deny myself to serve my country, so I don’t. Enjoy what u came in this world with it’s what you will leave with.
this was a really interesting read. I’ve know a few women who actually cut, relaxed, or changed their hair in some way because of their family or spouse not approving. Luckily your mindset was right first. This may prevent the back and forth uncertain of natural relaxed natural. Good Luck on your journey!!!
This was a very interesting read. I had problems when I first went natural and I received a lot of dirty looks and comments about how I won’t find a man or a job, etc. I’m from a strict Haitian household, so the loc-ing process was very hard for me. But to be thrown out because of your hair.. that’s insane. I’m sorry she had to go through that.
Unfortunately, this story is representative of the attitude toward natural hair throughout the Caribbean. I’ve seen people sing the praises of natural hair in the Caribbean and claim that natural hair is more accepted there. Most of these comments have come from people with parental roots in the Caribbean, but no real experience. So, let’s put this to rest once and for all. Black people all over the diaspora are not in love with natural hair. Even in progressive cities like NY and Chicago, natural hair is not the norm, no matter what people say. Acceptance of natural hair as beautiful and normal is not mainstream. We still have a long way to go in that regard.
I am loving all your comments! I am touched that my experience has spurred this much dialogue.
@NaturallyHappy- The acceptance of natural hair is often misconstrued to folks who aren’t from the Caribbean. I know in JA natural hair is more accepted if you are staunch Christian, often Pentecostal. Outside of that it sheer craziness!
Great Article Diana. I held on to every word. You know this hair business seems to be a recurring theme lately. ‘Good Hair’ has got to be the one most deprecating phase and yet we use it so loosely. Jamaica and everywhere. We have a problem accepting and appreciating who we are and making the best of what we have. I read a comment on facebook this week where someone complimented a friend’s baby’s ‘Good Hair’ which was so ‘nice and soft’. Man that ticked me right off.
My family is big on processed hair. Most of us had our hair permed and styled in the early teens and the first time is a big deal. Forget Granny, my mother is not into locks at all- neither does she believe in holding her piece so a decision to lock my hair would require an especially strong will and the patience of a saint. Since that’s not my interest, I prefer a close-cropped natural do, it’s not a battle I fight.
I don’t particularly care what style anyone sports as long as cleanliness plays a prominent role. We need to get away from this ‘Good Hair’ mentality. It shows low self-esteem and jealousy for the things we cannot have but try so desparately to attain.
Diana, my heart broke for you and your grandparents and I felt bitter resentment. Not because your aunt didn’t like your choice of ‘do’ but because she was yellow bellied in how she handled it. I wonder what she thinks now.
Anyway, congratulations on getting published and good luck! Proud a you!
I am sorry for all that you have gone through.
However, you have worded your story so beautifully.
These paragraphs leave me without enough words to express my support.
Sad story! srry u went throught that.Im so happy u didnt perm ur hair n ripped out that weave! it was so insirational! THANKYOU for righting this! may ur natural journey continue!!!
I hear your story Diana, though I am glad to say that I, thankfully, didn’t receive such harsh treatment from my Jamaican family. I did the BC in May 09 and I went to see my grandmother, aunts and uncles who i hadn’t seen in years, soon after that. Sadly, they were expected the long chemically straighten me because that is how my mother described me to them. They all had words. My father’s mother, who I went to see last month, couldn’t believe her eyes and kept saying over and over “All that beautiful hair-GONE! Why would you do that to yourself? What a waste!” My grandmother shaves her head short but that is okay because she is older…but me..no I’m young and my beauty and shelf-esteem are intrinsically tied to having chemically straightened hair. My sisters all make comments and my dad, though he supported me in doing the BC, makes comments about me being a boy and when am I going to comb my hair. I laugh it off but it hurts, especially when my mother…who has LOCKS and has had locks most of my life except for a short period, makes comments about my choice to keep the fro look. She doesn’t understand why I do not try and force my hair into styles that will give it a “long look,” such as braids, twist, or locks. She refers to my hair as “that thing sitting on top of your head.” I don’t understand this…my mother grew up with her Rasta uncles. She speaks of them fondly and she always lights up when she talks about how they called her “Star.” She had free form locks most of my life, but my journey is always being critiqued.
I can relate. My grandmother never liked my hair natural;press and curl was the only way to go(along with no jeans,sneakers, etc.). Out of respect, I kept it that way until she passed at 96 years of age, two years ago. Afterward, I let it do it’s thing. I finally got those long tresses and got my hair locked. Yes, at first, my own family thought I was crazy for letting all those inches go, but I finally decided that hair does not make me!! Now that I’ve locked my hair, I find it to be not only more manageable, but more BEAUTIFUL to look at. As it grows I find that the hair beads, etc enhance my LOCS to the fullest.
I hope you feel as well I as did when I started!! The air is definitely a great feeling at the beginning stages!!
This story is so touching. Right now Im in the process of transitioning. My mother does not like it but she rather me do this that have her spend $200 every 2 months to do my weave. I remember before my 15th birthday I had my hair in twists and I wanted to lock my hair instead of perming it, but my mother’s response was “Not while you’re under my room!” Eager for a change I went ahead and Started using the creamy crack. My mother is from a duo Caribbean Island Trinidad and Tobago. She told me that back in her day dreads/locks were frowned upon. Today she is alot more open to me locking my hair because she sees so many men and women with locks and their hair styled beautifully. I really do understand your pain Diana.
i am from trinidad and natural hair is accepted as far as my experience is concerned, locs are accepted in hospitality, tourism sector as long as it looks ‘clean & neat’ but however the thickly matted locs are not accepted in d workplace because it is perceived to be unclean
This is an epic post, I will be adding this blog to my blogroll
My American mother has accepted and learned to enjoy my locks. My Jamaican father, on the other hand, constantly expresses his disgust at my locks and refers to them as “those things sprouting out of [your] head.”
Thanks so much for this post. I thought I was the only person who thought that the association of Jamaicans with natural hair was overblown. We still have quite a war to fight against the forces of colonialism and self-hatred.
You story really touched me and in many ways i can relate. I am a Jamaican too. I’ve never had dreads, but my hair is natural and there are still some Jamaicans who look down on some people who choose the wear their hair the way God made it. I’ve always received tonnes of love from rastas who call me “Empress” and “Queen” and encourage my to keep my hair in its natural state….BUT there has even been instances where people in my family say, hmmm ‘when you ago creme yuh hair?”….Just the other day my sis said to me, “You gonna have to do to something with that head of yours.” and my response was something to the effect of, “My hair is fine as is.” Alot of people just dont understand that natural hair is not simply a head of fluff or a ‘bad head’. It reflects a whole lot more. It signifies strength, self love and acceptance. It symbolizies growth and appreciation for one’s self.
Im really sorry about what you have gone through, continue with your natural hair! Its simply the best and we are all on this blog to share and encourage each other…
Nuff Luv from a fellow Jamaican
never knew that locks had a negative connotation for the a people where they basically originated from. Its funny to me but believable. I loved this article or essay lol!!! Diana great job!!!! I wish you the best of luck girl do ya ting!!!!!!!