1. Put in braid/twist extensions so that you can have a ‘break’ from your hair. Just make sure they aren’t too tight, and that you’re tending to the hair underneath.
2. Avoid mirrors (LOL!!!) Or at least avoid excessively looking at them and searching for flaws.
3. Wait for Spring. The winter blues can hit hard (especially in snowy places like Chicago) understand that your ‘blah’ attitude about hair might be an extension of your ‘blah’ feelings about the winter season.

What do you guys think? A good list?

One of the challenges of being natural is loving your hair at every stage. When we do the ‘big chop’ we press the re-set button, and have years of hair-growing to look forward to. But the exilheration and joy many feel after they cut off that last lock of relaxed hair can give way to frustration as time passes. Our hair hits awkward stages, we suffer hair damage, we get bored with our hairstyles.

I know that I’m currently growing out a terrible trim I did back in October. And that (coupled with Chicago winter weather… which I LOATHE) has got me kind of frustrated. Add the fact that, because it’s so cold I’ve been inside a lot and subsequently put on a few extra pounds (booo!) and sometimes I have a tough time being happy with what I see in the mirror.

So how do you keep yourself motivated when the going gets tough? How do you appreciate yourself at ANY stage — even the homely ones?

Tweet This Post

I am currently living and doing volunteer work in the Dominican Republic. I view this opportunity as not only a privilege, but a road that will lead me on a journey to discovering the person I AM. This is not my first trip to the beautiful and lush island of the Dominican Republic – and hopefully not my last. However, this time is different. This time I have decided to start transitioning to natural hair – a concept that is considered abnormal for most of the island’s female inhabitants.

If you are a reader and you live in New York, Atlanta, Philly, or in any other neighborhood where African-American women reside, I am sure you have heard of the infamous Dominican Blow-Out. The type of blow-out that could make even the tightest or kinkiest hair bone straight. The type of blow out that requires intense amount of heat, sweat, and tears – I know, I’ve cried. Most Dominican women would prefer to go through this type of torture – along with the emotional and physical pain that comes from a chemical relaxer – in order to have what many term “good hair”.

When I decided to stat transitioning, I decided it would be best to do research to determine what steps I needed to take in order to not only have long hair, but healthy hair. As a part of my research I began talking with various Dominican women about their hair regimes, which lead to many pleasant and insightful conversation; however, the moment I stated that I was transitioning towards natural hair the mood of most of the conversations changed. Something was wrong. Natural hair was wrong.

One day I was speaking to a 13-year-old Dominican girl about her heritage and her hair. (For the sake of this post it is important that I inform you the girl has beautiful dark skin and without a perm has a kinky hair texture.) As our discussion of hair proceeded to turn to the subject of natural hair, the girl became visible upset. Why? At only 13 she associated Natural Hair with Haitians/Africans – a lower class of people – and that was something she did not want to be associated with. In that moment I stopped and asked myself why did I feel the need to perm my hair? You see this is not the first time I have decided to go Natural. Twice in the past I have embarked on this journey – however, the first two times I was less informed and less self-confident. During our conversation I begin to think of the reason why I had chosen to revert to the “creamy-crack”. On both occasions it was because of the words of another person – I had allowed another persons words to make me feel ugly – a lower class. In that moment I stopped…..Who was I? Who did I want to be? Would I continue to let other opinions about my hair define me? No! In that moment I realized that it was time for me to transition to natural hair. If I wanted my sisters, my friends, and all the other beautiful black girls of the world to love themselves for who they are, then I needed to start loving myself for who I was.

I know this isn’t some great epiphany. In fact, there are thousands of young girls and women before me who have taken the journey to natural hair and are proudly rocking their fro – Thank-You. Your courage – I know some of you are thinking going natural isn’t courageous, it should be normal…well, in our society it is courageous. So, thank you to all who have taken this step – your actions are inspirational…

For more of RiSheka check out her blog HERE.

Tweet This Post

So I was sitting around at a table of all black and bi-racial people.

A friend of mine — my closest friend at the table, who has a gorgeous head of tight and medium curls — pulled off his winter hat, revealing disheveled hair.

People visibly recoiled and began railing about how awful it looked.

Being the natural hair blogger that I am, I came to his aid.

“I think his hair looks fine!” I exclaimed.

Not missing a beat, the chick beside me said. “Well you WOULD. I mean, look at your hair.”

I just stared at the chick. I really didn’t expect that response and I didn’t know what to say.

Now this chick has a couple inches of permed and colored hair that, she has said, is difficult to grow out. Over the entire holiday weekend she kept her hair firmly hidden beneath a tam, and would NOT take it off in front of anybody.

So while I’m recovering my friend asks, “What’s wrong with my hair?”

Another tablemate — a curly-haired natural who is currently locking — broke it down for him.

“Your hair is nappy. You can’t wear it out. My hair is curly so I can wear it out. You can’t.”

My mouth drops again. My friend’s curls are only slightly tighter than the locked chick. Even worse, I have the kinkiest hair at the table. And I’m wearing my hear “out” in an updo.

The conversation swiftly moved on from there and later in the evening I managed to pull my friend aside and assure him that he has beautiful hair. I didn’t have an opportunity to say much more to the other chicks. I guess I was just too surprised.

Have you guys experienced anything similar?

Tweet This Post

Over the 6 years I had my perm I never had issues with it, I never had breakage or burns.

My main reason for going natural was because I received a gift from a friend; a book called “Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America”. This book really changed my life. I guess I never realized how harmful a perm was too my hair.

Once I finished the book, I knew I just had to go natural. My big chop story is funny. Originally I had planned to big chop alot sooner but my Mom was against the whole idea. On October 30 I had school, so I told my Mom I wasn’t feeling well and I did the whole fake coughing thing. I guess my Mom felt bad so she let me stay home.

There I was all alone at home so what was I supposed to do for fun? I decided to call my friend Stacie who is also natural and does hair and I asked her to cut it all off. She agreed. I drove to her house in Baltimore and she cut off the perm one by one. The whole time I kept worrying if I was making the right choice.

Anyway afterwards I saw my shoulder length hair all gone, I had only 3.5 inches off hair. Now I’m not gonna say I was totally thrilled afterward. But once Stacie washed it and styled it I was happy. I drove home and to my surprise my Mom and Dad and sister were all siting in the dining room asking wondering where I was since I was so called “sick”.

As soon as I took off my hood my mother slapped me so hard, and really was angry with the fact that all my hair was gone. She was chasing me around the house and was the maddest I had ever seen her. My dad and sister loved it though and convinced my mom to calm down. After a few days she got used to it, and stopped complaining about it.

The biggest opposition I faced would be my mom. She’s biracial and has long hair with hardly any wave to it. She’s very old school and believes you need straight hair to be beautiful. She also was the one who started me on perms when I was 10.

After about the first 2 months of my natural journey around the time I had almost 1 inch of new growth, my mom started to notice my very different texture from hers. I would say I have 4a (kinky) hair everywhere but my sides/edges where it is bone straight is probably 3a (curly).

She would say things like “Camille why didn’t you get my hair texture, how come you got your Dad’s.” She also would say she’d be much happier if I went back to perms.

My younger sister Candace who is 16 has my Mom’s hair. It’s also very straight and she is very stuck on the whole “good hair” idea. Even now that I have my fro, my mom will make negative comments, not as much as she used to, but still sometimes. I always tell her I’m happy where I am and I don’t need to conform to society’s standards of beauty by relaxing my hair.

Honestly, at first I did have unrealistic expectations of what my natural texture would be. Originally I expected to also have type 2 hair like my mom, but soon quickly changed, as my natural journey progressed I saw more and more of my type 4 hair and had to accept that’s what I was given. Sometimes it is hard having a mother who’s a little stuborn, but I just keep counting down the days till I leave for college, less than 5 months away yay! Hopefully I will meet other naturals when I am in college who share the same idea of beauty as me.

Tweet This Post

Where are you from?
S: I am from The D (Detroit) and I currently reside in the Chicagoland area.

When did you go natural?
S: I first cut my hair short in 1992 at the age of 12. I wore that same hair style until 2006! Over the years I tried growing it out but I considered my hair to be long if it grew past a half inch in length! Needless to say I could not bring myself to let my hair fully grow out. The sides and back were faded, therefore, I was perming bi-weekly to maintain the style.

In 2006 I recall splashing perm on the bathroom wall and eventually the paint disappeared from the area. At that moment the light bulb went off in my mind and I started to wonder what kind of damage I was doing to my skin and hair if I was using a product that was capable of taking the paint off of a wall!!! That same year I stopped perming my hair, however, it was a struggle because I still had a short hairstyle that I had to grow out and I simply couldn’t leave the house without my bi-weekly perm!

Micros were the answer!!! I rocked micro braids for a year (touchups every month and a half; new braids every 3 months) and was amazed at how my hair was growing.

The majority of 2008 and into 2009 I wore a sew-in weave because I wanted my hair to grow longer. I found that it was much easier for me to grow out a short style as long as I was not constantly handling my hair, perming or adding heat to my actual hair. In July of this year I finally let go of braids and weaves. The rest is history….

Was it difficult at all? What were family and friends’ reactions to your hair?
S: That hair issue was indeed a struggle (and I know that there are other sistas out there who can identify) for me once I finally decided to stop perming. Prior to that it wasn’t an issue because I was doing what I was taught to do in an effort to “look beautiful.” I didn’t know any better! The short hair style was cute. Of course long straight hair (braids) that flowed down my back was absolutely gorgeous and the Remi weave was to die for!

The latter two were not mine, however, it was straight so it was alright with me and the rest of the world.

For so long I thought that my natural hair was something to be feared, hence, the bi-weekly perm. I cried as I took out my weave because I realized that I was wrong for so long. It all began as a young child having to get my hair pressed. Looking back the underlying message is that it must be straightened otherwise it just isn’t right! Being talked about by others when I needed a touch up, not learning to swim (chlorine and permed hair is a bad combination), burning my scalp in an effort to look like the majority and be accepted…. I fed into it and it was so freeing to be done with it all. God didn’t make any mistakes and I decided that I was no longer going to hide what He created!

For every friend who didn’t like it there were three who inquired how they could work toward natural hair. Most of my family members stared at my hair the first time they saw it, however, no one made comments to me directly about liking or disliking it. I also have several of my white and Latina friends wondering how they can achieve a curly style like mine. It is amazing that other women want what I tried so hard to abandon!

Have you had any difficulties wearing your hair natural at the office?
S: I must admit that I was slightly afraid to wear natural hair into the office. I work in an atmosphere where I am not the majority. I quickly got over it and decided that it should not matter because the majority wear their hair in its natural state and my hair is no different. I was fine with whatever came my way as I am accustomed to being questioned about various hairstyles that I would wear into office settings.

All of my places of employment require that I come prepared to answer questions as they always wonder “how did you do that” and “how long did it take?” I compare it to being on display like the volcano at the 5th grade science fair! After so long you either get over it or stop answering questions! Look and stare, but don’t touch is still my motto!!!

Has anything in your life changed at all since going natural?
S: I found a hair salon that I absolutely love because they cater to natural hair. It is a totally different experience to walk into a natural hair salon. Most “regular” hair salons hate to see a person with natural hair walk through the door because they do not want to deal with it. No worries because I have found an environment that celebrates the beauty of my naptural hair!!!

What do you use in your hair?
S: Miss Jessie’s – Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo, Curly Buttercreme and Rapid Recovery
Kinky Curly – Come Clean Shampoo, Knot Today Conditioner, Curling Custard

If your hair had a nickname, what would it be?
S: Freedom! Once upon a time my hair was a form of bondage…. That is no longer so!!!

Tweet This Post

I’m a single mother of a biracial girl who turns 5 on November 29, so Happy Birthday, baby!

Her father is very lightly-curled-haired Arab and I‘m a Caribbean girl (and as we’re here to talk about hair, my hair type is 4a/4b).

Being the mother of a biracial child is an everyday challenge. You have to pay constant attention to raise your child so they accept and embrace both sides of their identity and their differences from the other kids. There can be many issues to address: color of the skin, different cultures, different languages, hair type, facial features and so on.

In my daughter’s case, hair is an issue. When my baby was born, she was plain white with a lot of black straight hair. I must confess that I was kind of … confused. Except for her hands, she had absolutely nothing in common with me. Where was the blackness? Why at such a so young age was she rejecting her mother? (LOL. A newborn baby’s mama can have quite a lot of silly thoughts and I’m exaggerating but you get the feeling.)

As she was growing up, her skin turned out more colored (although she’s still very light-skinned) and her hair became curlier from day to day. Now she has 3b/3c fine, light-brown golden locks of hair. It is fuzzy.

When I found out her hair was more like mine, do you think it made me happier? Hell no! I was like “She took the worst part of me. Oh my God! What am I gonna do with that hair? I don’t know how to style hair and I don’t even like it”. Relaxing is not an option. That’s how I began to seek information which I have never done before despite the fact that I’ve been natural for most of my life. I found out how to detangle her hair properly without hurting her too much; I know now what her hair likes and what it doesn’t, etc.

Everything was going fine when she said to me one day: “Mom, I’m prettier than you because my hair is long and yours is short”. It was no mystery that my hair was short since I had done my big chop some 8 months before. But I got upset. She was questioning my beauty on the criterion of my hair! And since I’m a black woman with kinky hair, it was as if she was insulting kinky hair saying that since my hair was kinky, it could never be long. So as a challenge, I decided to grow my hair long what I had not done for years. I like my hair short because I find myself prettier with short hair and it’s convenient. Was it all good? No.

Another day, she came back home asking: “Mom, when will my hair be straight?” Me: “Hum, well… actually, your hair will never be straight (I didn’t even mention the fact that she could straighten it not to give her any idea)”. Her: “But yes when I grow older, my hair will be straight”. Me: “No darling, your hair will never be straight. But why do you want it to be straight?” Her: “Because it’s prettier”. Me: “Okay”. End of the conversation. I didn’t say more that day because it was useless but I thought about that for a while wondering where she could have dug up such an idea.

Of course, I found out. We’re living in a small town in France. She’s the only one with such hair in her class and in our whole environment except me. Most of my friends in that town are either white girls or black girls with their hair relaxed. She plays a lot in my white girlfriends’ hair. She likes it. I don’t let her play too much in my mane because 1. it hurts because she doesn’t know how to do it and 2. she tangles it. You add the fact that they all have straight hair on TV and you understand easily why she prefers straight hair.

But knowing that didn’t address the fact that, in essence, she was thinking that she was less pretty than the other girls because her hair wasn’t straight. One day as she was talking about the long and straight hair of her friend (who btw is biracial black/white too) I said that even though her friend’s hair was long and straight, I preferred hers because the hairstyles came out prettier with hair like hers (which I honestly think). Her face lit up and she was very satisfied by my answer.

I realized that the way my girl sees herself (at least her black side) depends a lot on the way I see myself and I feel about myself. I understand now that all I used to think that were issues about her hair were only projections of my own insecurity about being black. Mind you, in my everyday life I didn’t look or behave like I had a problem with being black. But my relationship with my daughter made me become conscious that I had lots of negative inner thoughts about it.

Now I take better care of my own hair and of myself.

For more of Audrey check out her Fotki page http://members.fotki.com/NegresseLibre/about/

Tweet This Post

Hello! My name is Jennifer Chineye Amerachi Udechukwu (what a name!). I am a first year college student at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore and happy and proud to say I am transitioning to natural hair!!!!!!

Since I can remember I have had big thick “nappy” hair as other little girls would call it. It wasn’t silky and long like the other girls and I didn’t understand why, until i heard of the glorious PERM! I begged and pleaded for my mother to perm my hair so I could look like the other girls and she denied my request until she gave up! The first time I got my perm I was around 6. I remember helping my mother wash out the cream from my hair and thinking I went BALD! I couldn’t feel a thing! But when she blow dried it out I fell in love with the long, silky hair that I had. I wasn’t being called names, I could style it, I was happy!

As I grew old so did my hair. It became weak and cut with every stroke of a comb. It wasn’t long like the other girls and besides losing length I was losing self-esteem. I no longer considered myself pretty. I couldn’t match up with the other girls. I continued to perm. The effect of the perm no longer worked on my hair and it was still as puffy as could be!

I wondered why my hair was so strangely thick and unmanageable. Then it came to me. I WAS AFRICAN! I WAS NIGERIAN! My mom told me we had the thickest toughest hair and I hated it!!!

After eighth grade I never wore my hair out again! I stuck to weave, braids, mostly sew-ins creating that artificial socialized American image of “good hair”. After I took out one weave not more than one day would pass, and I would put in another.

It was during my senior year of high school that natural hair first came up. It was in my Sociology class taught by my feminist, locks rocking, beautiful brown skinned teacher! SHE IS AMAZING! lol. The first time she brought up natural hair she was discussing standards women have to meet in today’s world. She simply asked a question (right before the bell rang)

“Why do you feel like you have to perm your hair. Nothing’s wrong with it at all.”

Me-being me-shouted
“My hair’s too NAPPY.”

Ms. Cooper (her name)-
“Nappy!!!??!!! Look at what you have been socialized to think!”

Me-
“I’M NOT! You know what I mean it’s just unmanageable! I’m African. It’s tooooooo thick I can’t do ANYTHING with it.”

Ms. Cooper-
“Look at my dreads. They’re as natural as they could be.”

The bell rang. She simply shook her head and we were dismissed. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t understand what I was saying! I mean if I were ever to unleash my hair in public I was more than sure it would consume the whole school and continue to overtake the rest of the world! I was simply doing it for safety measures. But I had to admit that I loved seeing my hair in its full, puffy glory whenever I took out my sew-ins. I would parade around the house as if I were the Queen of Africa.

So what exactly made me want to transition? It was a little by accident, an amazing accident! I was surfing YouTube in my dorm. I had to take out my weave so I did but being so far away from home (New Jersey) I had no one to do my hair! It would be the first time I wore my REAL HAIR out to school in 4 YEARS! I needed a style and quick!

I came across a video of a bantu knot out. It was beautiful curls I thought black girls couldn’t achieve. I was in awe!! I looked up more videos and fell in love with all the different types and textures of natural hair.

Why should we have to strip away God’s gift just to fit into America’s vision of beauty when we are already blessed and born with our own. My hair wasn’t nappy and unmanageable, it was Big and Beautiful. After all these years I had forgotten what my actual, real, unpermed hair looked like. I hated something that represented my culture, my roots. I threw it away and I wanted it back!

I am choosing to be me! As strong of a person inside as the “toughness” of my own hair outside. I’m going to be me now. The way God made me, NO chemicals added.

Thanks for making my journey easier!

Jennifer Chineye Amerachi Udechukwu
a.k.a
TufferThanNigerianHair

***
Post in the BGLH forum today! http://bglhonline.com/forum/

Tweet This Post

I’m originally from Queens, NY, but was raised in Southern California – Gardena, to be exact. It’s about 20 minutes south of downtown Los Angeles, and right near Inglewood and Compton. Professionally, I’m a behavior therapist and work with children with autism. I also am a writer and a poet.

I got my first perm around 9 years old, and continued the bi/tri-monthly routine pretty regularly until I was 21. From 9 on, if the hair stylists or my cousin who was in cosmetology school didn’t apply it, my mother did, and ONLY because I asked her to. She never encouraged me. It was definitely a learned behavior from hearing other little girls boast about how their hair looked and felt upon rinsing out their “Just For Me” relaxer.

My mother caved into my constant requests when I was 9 and allowed my cousin’s friend to give me my first perm. I remember it vividly. Sitting in this stranger’s kitchen, white cream being slapped onto my thick hair. The minutes passing. The smell so pervasive and offensive. Then the burning. THE BURNING. I didn’t know not to scratch so it was exceptionally painful. I remember wanting to hop out of my seat and run to the sink to dunk my head in the dishwater, and then attack the woman who was doing this to me! Lol. Perm-burn will make a chick (and Al Sharpton) lose it!

However, after enduring the discomfort, being pressed, flat-ironed and curled, and seeing that “swing” in my now stick-straight hair that I’d never seen in all of my 9 year old life, I was hooked, and I stayed hooked for upwards of 13 more years. Hooked through weaves, coloring, and a very well-camoflauged sense of self-loathing because I always felt like a fraud, perpetuating an aesthetic that wasn’t the true Tiffany.

At 21, after a re-touch and during a particularly hot L.A. summer (and am impending Michigan visit), I got micro braids all the way to my butt. Loved them. I kept braids over about 8 months between 21 and 22. I took out my braids and washed my hair. I had many months of new growth that I’d been obsessed with while in the braids, but now with them out I could see it clearly. It coiled. It was springy. It was about 4 inches. I liked it. And, for the first time, I didn’t want to ask my mom for a relaxer.

I saw ME in the mirror, and the ME I saw hated what I’d done to my hair before. I didn’t blame my mother. She wasn’t educated on hair and she did the best that she could.

It was a magical night. I blinked away the tears in my eyes. I felt RELIEVED- like I didn’t HAVE to go through that anymore. I was annoyed at burnt edges, scabs, the smell of relaxer (*shudders*), and an increasingly dry and irritated scalp which made it haphazard to wear dark clothing unless I wanted everyone else to know my scalp was rebelling against the chemicals just as my mind was beginning to.

I didn’t big-chop. I thought about it but didn’t do it. Fear stopped that. I let my permed-hair pretty grow out (and break off), and with frequent trims and using the education I’d amassed from websites like yours, books, friends, and prayer, after about 18 months, I had a head full of unprocessed hair that I’ve maintained for almost 5 years! And I’m NEVER, EVER going back.

***
BGLH now has a forum! Check it out HERE.

Tweet This Post

I put the braids back in for my next journey to Europe which would allow me some versatility and then see what was happening in about 6 months. So I’ve been here in Berlin for exactly 3 months now and just couldn’t stand it any longer. I felt like my hair was still suffering in the braids because it wasn’t being washed adequately or deep conditioned ever ( because the micros would’ve come out). So after visiting your website several times, I was inspired to began the labor of love that so many smart and beautiful women of color have already embarked upon. I took all the micros out and looked at myself in the mirror, a bit uncomfortable with what I saw but decided I would deal with and love me (regardless of what my hair was doing..lol).

Are there any tips you would recommend as far as a daily night time routine? I just have no clue what to do with my hair at night..A good friend of mine braids it every night and then takes the braids out in the morning for curly fullness but I didn’t know if that’s what most natural girls do.

J’s response:
Hi Chandra! Thank you for following BGLH. I’m glad you’ve been inspired to stick with the decision to go natural! I am honored to be 1/3 of this movement that is BGLH! How cool that you moved to Germany to make your dreams come true! All the best to you!

Now to your question! Most of you already know I’m a proponent of low manipulation so I don’t braid or twist my hair every night. I try to do protective styles that last throughout the week refreshing at night only if necessary. Here’s what I do before bed:

1) spritz my ends and scalp (a nice scalp massage on occasion)
2) add moisturizer to ends (refresh braids/twists if necessary)
3) seal ends with castor oil
4) put on my satin cap then it’s beddie-bye time!

I like to call my nightly ritual “SMSP“: Spritz Moisturize Seal Protect!
(you like that right-lol)

Spritz
The spritz is important because it hydrates the hair. For this I like to use floral waters, chamomile or sandalwood. I use floral waters so I don’t have to worry about contaminants and chlorine in tap water (you can use filtered water if you wish). I keep the floral waters refrigerated and add to a spray bottle as needed. Besides smelling wonderful, my scalp feels so refreshed afterward! It’s my daily aromatherapy Sometimes I mix the waters with panthenol (an idea suggested by Chicoro). If my hair is craving protein, I use my Aphogee Pro-Vitamin Leave-In Conditioner. You can use protein to help revitalize the hair, but unfortunately damaged hair must eventually be cut out. Click here for some ideas for a daily spritz ideas previously featured on BGLH!

Moisturize
Next is the moisturizer. I like to use a creamy water-based moisturizer (dr. bronner’s magic organic lotion). I love how it seeps into my thick hair. It also softens the hair and makes it easier to detangle. When refreshing twists or braids, you can use a wide-tooth comb or detangle with your fingers.

Seal
For the sealant, your options aren’t limited to just castor oil. Many naturals love coconut oil or hair butters like shea for sealing, especially for the shine that they impart not to mention the nutrient content.

Protect
Pin the hair up and sleep on a satin pillowcase or use a satin cap.

As you can see, my nightly routine is really simple making it easy to follow. Thanks for your submission Chandra! I thought your “before and after” pictures were especially great in light of the recent “then and now” posts (one of my favorite here at BGLH by the way – great submissions ladies!). Cute cute cute!

chandra then

chandra now!
So now it’s your turn! Natural ladies give up the goods!
What’s your nightly regimen?
~j~

Tweet This Post

“At first I didn’t think there was a place for me in acting. Now I know there is, because I say so. I’ve marked my place. I know a lot of times people say, I don’t think they’re going to let me in. It’s not about waiting for someone to let you in. You just have to show up. I just showed up.”

You may have seen her in the recent McDonald’s snack wrap commercial; playing “a lady of the evening” in Half Nelson; twice over as a guest star on Law & Order; or starring as Pecola Breedlove in the stage play adaptation of Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye. Currently, she’s preparing to shoot the feature film debut of Pariah. I (Jenteel) am so excited to have interviewed my dear friend, Adepero Oduye, an amazing actress and one of the most genuine people I know, to get her feedback on being natural.

Adepero at the Sundance Film Festival premiere of Pariah
J:  Where are you from?
AO: Brooklyn, NY by way of Nigeria!

J:  You’ve been natural all your life. Describe your experiences growing up.
AO: In elementary school, every week my mother would style my hair in cornrows. When I was about 10-11, I began to wonder why my hair wasn’t long. I asked my mother one day why she shaved my hair off when I was one years old. She stated I wouldn’t sit still to get my hair done, so her solution was to chop it off. I was silently seething about it because I thought I could have had long hair if it had never been shaved.

In junior high school, I did a lot of experimentation with my personal style. It was at that time I made attempts to leave my hair out. I remember wearing a fro one day and a boy said that “it looked like a bomb went off in my hair”! I was clueless on how to care for my hair. Furthermore, I was naive about products used for different hair types. I remember trying to make bangs on my natural hair with Queen Helene gel! I wanted my hair like Vanessa on The Cosby Show. Rudy’s hair was out of reach to me because I didn’t have her length. I asked my older sister how I could get my hair like Vanessa’s. She said I would have to get a perm. I thought about getting a perm briefly because Vanessa’s hair could do xyz and was my length. I didn’t fully comprehend the difference between her relaxed hair and my natural hair; that her styles looked “that way” because her hair was relaxed. No one in my house had a relaxer. I also didn’t go to school with that many black people.

I became more aware of the “hair politics” in 8th grade.  There were these two Haitian sisters with really long hair. The older sister was relaxed.  I could see that they got more attention with their long hair.   It was around that time that I started getting braid extensions.  It was easier because I could leave them in for a while. But I got tired of it, tired of the whole “process” with extension hair.  What bothered me the most was that the extension hair was plastic-y and straight while my roots looked fuzzy.   I had my fill of Kankelon!  The latter part of my senior year of high school, I wore my hair out.  I heard people make comments, but at the end of the day I wasn’t going to straighten my hair to fit in. It went against everything I knew and how I was brought up.

J:  Where do you think the strength to be natural during those early years came from?
AO: It was just easier to be myself.   It was more work to try to figure out who people wanted me to be, how they wanted me to act and how they wanted me to dress.  My hair was and still is one of the things that makes me unique.  I must say my father had a huge influence on his girls in that he said none of his daughters could have perms.  He was always very open about how he felt about perms: “…Black people trying to look white”.  We weren’t allowed to have white dolls either.  He said that my mom’s hair was the most beautiful when it was short fro.  He instilled a lot of pride in us in being Nigerian and being black.   He was a proud African man, so I was always proud of my unique name and being African.

photo credit: J. Murrell

J:  You have been acting for several years.   How has your natural hair affected your acting career?
AO: Where do I start?!  I don’t know how it’s been affected, but things have “come up”.  Instinctively, I knew getting into the game of acting, that my hair would be an issue at some point.  I was in deep conflict with really wanting to act, but knowing that it wouldn’t be the easiest choice.  I knew I had the passion, but looking at myself I thought no one’s going to want to see me on screen.  There was no one out there who looked like me: very strong African features, dark skin, African name and kinky hair.  It was the combination of it all.  The actresses who shared those characteristics always relaxed their hair. There was that voice that shouted, “What are you thinking?! It is so impossible! Why?”   But thank God my passion was stronger than that voice.  I didn’t want to have to change myself to be anyone else but me.

I was naive at one point thinking my hair didn’t matter.  When an acting coach mentioned to me that it would come up, I downplayed it.  During a meeting with a potential manager, she stated that I’d “never be able to do commercials with hair like that”.  But that was confusing to me because this was when natural hair started growing in popularity.   I knew I could never work with that woman.  I’ve also had people say to me, “You have to figure out what to do with your hair”.  I don’t know if those people thought my hair was loced or what.  Many said that my hair stereotyped me and put me in a box. But they couldn’t or wouldn’t describe what that box was. Those experiences were people trying to say that I wasn’t good enough.  My mom would say to me “it’s just hair” and not to take it so personally.   I could’ve done the easy thing and gotten a weave, made my hair a non-issue, but that wouldn’t have been me.   I’m not opposed to different hair styles for a role though.  I’ve learned to compromise by going to auditions “in character” wearing a wig. I have realized that as an actress the character is not me.  But for the most part, I go to auditions with my hair as is.

J:  What have these experiences taught you?
AO: A fellow actress who is white, a great actress by the way, said to me one day, “You’re so lucky, you’re unique”.  To hear that coming from her, saying that she looks so common with her blond hair and blue eyes, floored me.   I kind of instinctively knew, but that’s when it really hit me.   I’m completely unique. I don’t get “lost in the sauce”.   I have no choice but to stand out. People remember me.  I’m unforgettable.   I’m either going to do this as me or not at all. All the opportunities I’ve gotten, I have gotten being myself.  At first I didn’t think there was a place for me in acting.  Now I know there is, because I say so.  I’ve marked my place.  I know a lot of times people say I don’t think they’re going to let me in.  It’s not about waiting for someone to let you in.  You just have to show up. I just showed up. That’s how I look at my career and myself.  All of this transformation and growth happened at the same time.  My outlook on life, my self image, spirituality…I’m not sure all this growth would have been fostered if not for acting.

J:  How do you wear your hair?
AO: For the most part, I wear my hair in twists, as a protective style.  I use a homeade shea butter mix [j says, ade hooks me up with nigeria's finest shea butter, mmmm! ].  It can be fresh twists or 2-wk old twists.  I have to make it work!  And I have my days!  Some days I don’t feel so cute and think that if I had that “wash and go” natural hair it would be easier.   I have my moments, I’m human, but it’s not the way to think.  Trying to get into people’s heads with how they see you is crazy.  Trying to fit a standard.   It’s really, really crazy! I was listening to Lauryn Hill’s Unplugged recently and was struck by her words:  “What standard is this and who made this sh*t up?!”

J:  Since you’ve always been natural, do you have any issues in caring for your hair?
AO: Yes!  I’m still figuring out the best way to wash it to get it properly cleansed, decrease tangles and avoid breakage.  I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this…maybe it’s build up…but I’ll find lint pieces stuck in it.  I’m thinking about combing it out first with conditioner, then washing it.  My other issue is with styling.  I generally wear twists or twist outs, but hair is the longest it’s ever been in my life.  I want to do more than just twists and flat twists.  I don’t have the skills to do certain styles and I know that it requires some more styling practice on my part. I realize it requires “doing the work”.  It can be overwhelming on the blogs, fotkis, all the products.  I know it’s trial and error.   I just wish that there were more styles in magazines for my type of natural hair.  I’m not interested in styles on natural hair that doesn’t look like mine or if they add hair to the style or if it’s super short.

My hair is a little past arm pit length (apl) stretched.  I definitely attribute the length to moisturizing!!!!  I moisturize my hair every single day, my ends especially.  I also do the occasional trim.  I had my first trim ever in life 4 years ago.  Although my hair is coarse, it is like fine silk.  I had to learn how to properly comb my hair and to tie it up with a scarf to protect it.   There’s this misconception that natural hair is so strong, so you think you can be rough with it, but in actuality you have to take special care with it.

J:  How has it been watching “the natural movement” grow?
AO: It would be funny when people would make comments like, “Oh you got that natural thing going on like India Arie. or Lauryn Hill!”  And I’m laughing, thinking: I’ve been natural before all of this was cool!  It’s been most interesting to see natural hair on people who I would have never expected. For instance, I would have never expected you to go natural because I so associated you with your nice, healthy, relaxed hair.  You were so creative with it so I thought why? [j says wow, never heard this before!]   But, anything that goes along with who you were born to be, I fully support.  As the movement grew, I hoped it all wasn’t a fad because this was who I was.   I thought, what will happen when it’s no longer a fad?   Am I not going to be “in style”? Initially, in my mind, natural was for “certain” people.  Nowadays, I’ve seen “that girl, the cool kids in high school” with short naturals, locs, all “granola”-lol; it’s a complete 180°!  Even though I had natural hair all my life, I’ve realized that there are so many things that I didn’t know. I’ve learned so much.  If I knew back then what I knew now… man! Because of the internet and so many people going natural, there is a wealth of resources and products available to maintain natural hair.  Before, you didn’t see people selling shea butter all over the place!  There are so many people who can relate to the natural hair experience. I don’t feel alone anymore

J:  You recently visited Nigeria for the first time in several years.  We had a post on BGLH about natural hair in Nigeria being viewed in a somewhat negative light.  It set off a firestorm of comments.  What were your observations of natural hair there?
AO: It had been 14 years since I’d been back.  I noticed that people didn’t wear their natural hair “out”.  It was very rare to see natural hair out and longer than my length.  If it was natural, it was in cornrows or a short fro. I wore my hair in twists while there.  Meanwhile, most women wore wigs, extension braids, and “weave-on”.  In advertisements, movies, commercials, etc., everyone had a weave. So I didn’t wear my hair like a “Nigerian”.  Somebody asked me if I was South African.  I don’t know if it’s because they thought my twists looked like locs and maybe they relate that to being South African? I’m not sure.  But clearly I didn’t fit into any of their boxes. My clothes, my hair, my height [j says, ade is almost 5’10”].  It was obvious that I didn’t grow up there.  Maybe if I wore what they were wearing?  I must say though that I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the women I saw in Nigeria.  While admiring the exquisite beauty of these women, I silently hoped that those women and girls knew how beautiful they were, despite these supposed standards. One day I was watching The Most Beautiful Girl, Nigeria pageant.  There were 30 women representing each state. All these dope Nigerian women and not one had natural hair!  I know that if I was in that competition, I would have rocked my natural hair proudly, lol!  My opinion is if you’re in Nigeria, consciously or unconsciously, if you have kind of status, or want to look like you have some kind of status, don’t have natural hair.

J: What do you have to say to young naturals or women who are transitioning to natural that are in high school or college who say that they feel pressure to conform? (They cite issues of standing out, not fitting in with their nappy hair and how it’s just easier to follow the norm).

AO: I’ve come to a place in my life where I love everything that I am and that includes my hair.  If I can do it in acting, with all my experiences…anyone can. Through all of it, I’m still proud to be natural.  I can do what I want to do with the hair that I was born with. Everybody has hair issues.  Knowing what works for your hair and what doesn’t puts you at ease.  My wish for women, especially black women, is that they love their natural hair.  I feel natural hair is beautiful, no matter the texture, and my hair is probably classified as a 4b. F*ck conforming!   If you are thinking about going natural, just try it! Just remember, PATIENCE IS KEY!  I never really thought that deeply about transitioners until recently.  While shopping, I ran into a woman so frustrated with the two textures, so confused on how to complete the process. It was then that I fully realized – it’s all new to them! I understand that it can be an extreme step depending on your texture.  I get it.  It can be tough depending on who you’re around, but you don’t have to suffer silently.  There are so many resources nowadays. Be willing to do the research and learn.  Make your hair work for you!

lookin like a true brooklynite!holla!

Thank you Ade for being so candid in this interview, for sharing your strength and for not making excuses for who and what you are. You are living proof that you can do anything that you want to do as long as you stay true to yourself. Love you girl!
~j~

Tweet This Post